Warning: Lots of existential vomit ahead.

Dear Internet,

About a month ago, I was seriously pursued by a company to come and work for them. It would be a huge increase in my quality of life and it sure has been excellent in the confidence boosting department that a company, who makes real for-profit money, wanted _me_ to work for them. I would be a jet-set traveler with a company card working with people who do what I do currently. And when I'm not on the road living a rockstar lifestyle, I work from home. It all sounds so good, right? Right.

Until I find out I have to move to Boulder, CO for 6-12 months first. Everyone thinks this is something I should suck up and just do. My problem is that I had planned to move to New York. Boulder, CO and New York are about as different as two places could be. Non-judgementally, Boulder has mountains and a very laid back attitude. PETA voted it the #1 city for vegetarians in the US. Everyone rides their bikes. New York is well, New York. Subways and angry people and nightlife (except Sundays, of course).

I had three job interviews on Monday in NYC. One job I have taken myself out of the running for, one job wants to check my references (surely a good sign), and the third I have a second interview for on Monday. It feels good to be so hirable. Seriously, such a boost for my professional confidence and official status as a "grown up".

The thing is, if I could get the folks in Boulder to just commit to me being their for 6 months, I would do it, I would do it, I would do it. But they seem very wary of such things.

So as of right now, I am living a double- nay- triple life, wherein I am simultaneously living my life in Massachusetts and planning one in Boulder, CO and New York. And its exhausting. Regardless, I am purging most of my posessions, so if anyone in the area wants a microwave, a stereo system, a 4 drawer filing cabinet, or my cat: all are up for grabs. (Okay, not my cat. She is what the therapist calls, "a transitional object" to which I think Napkin would take certain objections to being referred to as an 'object'. Not to be all Holly Golightly and that "my cat doesn't belong to me we belong to each other" attitude, but we do.)

I am torn. Jobwise, I am leaning towards Boulder, CO (provided we can come to an agreement). I'd much prefer NYC over the rest of the whole world right now. And everyone who has been to or lived in Boulder keeps telling me, "You'll love it there!" which is not the point. Because I visited Boulder and it is nice, but I had already made this choice that I wanted to be in NYC. Boulder is a nice place and that's not what I'm disputing, but if anyone else tells me that "You'll just love Boulder!" I might scream. I might drop to the ground and just sob.

I have a boyfriend and friends soon to be in NYC. To this, most people say, "You'll make new friends in Boulder!" Which I am not doubting because who wouldn't want to hang out with my pretty little face. That is not the point though. The point is that I made this active decision to live in NY and I am now trying to evaluate if this job is valuable enough to me to put off NY for a few more months. Cost-benefit analysis, my friends. I don't have an answer.

The point in all of this is not to ask for advice or opinions. I just need you to know, Internet, about these important and potentially life altering decisions I face in the coming weeks. I felt like I was keeping dirty little secrets from you and we all know that secrets cause cancer. Maybe a year from now I'll look back on all of this and wonder what I was so stressed about. Probably not.

These last three years of my life have been so random and wanderlustful. My dad wishes for the year when he won't have to complete my state taxes for 2 - 3 states each year. Well, it won't be this year.

Please don't think I'm complaining, Internet. I'm just really really confused right now. And I feel lucky to be in such a position. Lucky and stressed out.

I need some fine wine and Project Runway.

Seemingly lost amid the chaos I've created in my life,
Jen

P.S. Is this what a quarter-life crisis is like? If so, I think I'm on my third or fourth quarter-life crisis.