Announcement:

I will be in the Greater Rockford and Chicago region from 10:00pm tonight (Thursday, June 5th) to 5:00am Saturday, June 14th in the year of our lord two thousand and eight.

That is all.

file away for melancholy days.

Walking down 8th Street, belly full of noodles and sake, on this warm April night, tiny drops of rain unyieldingly turned into torrential downpour. I realized the umbrella I was shielding us with was useless, we were drenched. Drenched and laughing hysterically, jumping around, taking in the fun of this moment. There was nothing but the overwhelming joy of that moment. I hopped on the subway back to Brooklyn, dripping water like I had just stepped out of the shower. I am open to the possibility that this was my spring awakening, as it were, in the most literal sense possible. (You know, not adolescent spring awakening, not spring awakening the musical, but simply, my burst of joy after what has been a very tough and long winter.)

Nostalgic for the present.

On a somewhat related non-sequiter (oxymoron, right?):
Lou Reed sat several seats away from me at the latest strange Richard Foreman performance [art] last week. I can attest that Lou Reed, does in fact, look like an old lesbian, even if he makes good music.

Are you in New York City?

Then bring a pillow.

“THE PLAN: Meet up this Saturday, March 22 (wear a Neo-Futurist T-Shirt if you have one, and bring a soft pillow) at the cube in astor place at 2:30. We’ll march over as a Non-Illusory Pillow Fighting Machine to union square. Pillow Fight starts at 3 there.This is part of World Pillow Fight Day. We don’t know if there are winners, but either way, let’s win this thing!”

Who the hell are the Neo-Futurists? They put on Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind.

http://starsinjenseyes.tumblr.com/

Letting go.

She died angry and holding a grudge- a grudge she held inside her heart for a year. Over something so trivial as a cruise to the Bahamas. Even when she woke from the coma and none of her words made sense, she was still talking about that cruise. The one her sisters didn't invite her to join. The truth is that she has been so sick for so long that she was in denial; denial about her own life and her death. The truth is that she was never going to be well enough to get on that cruise.

I'm wholly convinced that she held out, attempting to ruin their cruise or at the very least postpone it. Which is really funny and a true testament to how much that bitter grudge consumed her. Funny and telling and so isolated in her bitterness.

Airing my grievances about Paypal.

I get that Paypal is the wave of the future or something. It allows me, as an individual to sell my wares online to other people in a secure setting (supposedly).

Paypal has every known addressed I have ever lived at in the past five years. Places I don't even remember living. They've got credit cards on file for bank accounts I closed in 2003. And I can't delete any of them! Does that make any sense? NO.

Furthermore, they keep giving me an error message that says my credit card was rejected because of my credit card company. So I tried a different card and got the same message. Frankly, I was too lazy to call my credit card company and ask them WTF? until today after I had made no advances in purchasing ONE cd that is only available via Paypal.

I finally bothered to call my credit card company today, only to find out that all of the charges had gone through. Yippee! That means I'll have four shiny copies of the same CD.

Also, holy crap, why can't I remember my Paypal password? (my own doing, not Paypal's)

I take pictures with other people's animals.

Alternately: My sister's dog is a mad scientist.


Alternately: My sister's dog is Michael J. Fox in Teenwolf.

Tactile reminders from the distant present.

My granny's car smells strongly of cake and icing.

Dear Midwest,

Please stop snowing. It is depressing me endlessly. This is enough to make me move to Florida for the winter just like the old people.

xoxo,
Jen

definitely/indefinitely

I've been in Illinois for a week+. I'll be here at least another week. I've been at the hospital since Friday afternoon waiting this out. I'm feeling enormously drained. Life is heart achingly grown up these days.

New York Mass Transit

I'm going to pause here and say: this is about New York, its complex and fascinating (dirty) subway system. If these things do not concern you, my apologies.

A few months ago, the opening story on This American Life was a man talking about committing a cardinal sin: he moved from New York to Chicago or vice versa. Probably from New York to Chicago because New Yorkers can't fathom living anywhere else in the world, least of all Chicago where they have sub-standard pizza and you have to take the bus. You may as well just move to Connecticut! Anyhow- everything the guy said was true, New Yorkers want to tell you how much they like New York and how much you should love New York, and most of all New Yorkers talk about the subway. Here's a SAT prep test question:

Everyone else:weather :: New Yorkers:subway

Oops. Gave the answer away. In any case, people here DO talk about the subway a lot. I am talking about it right now!

All of the subway lines pass through Manhattan except for the G train. Lo, the G train which runs between Brooklyn and Queens.

I know people who deny the existence of the G train. It is a mysterious train. It never runs properly on the weekends. You might wait up to an hour at 3 in the morning on a Saturday (you have a better chance of finding a unicorn to fly you home). The G train is an enigma.

But, despite all the elusiveness of the G train, I still have a soft spot for it. Maybe because it can take me to Greenpoint. A place I find painfully ugly, yet adorable with all of its little old Polish people hobbling around. I can't believe I missed the news that the G train is expanding and to my great benefit:

Yay! Most of you probably have no idea what this means, so let me share with you: IT MEANS THAT I CAN WALK TO A G TRAIN STOP! FROM MY HOUSE!

Truthfully though, I don't know how often I will take the G train. I spend most of my time walking in my own neighborhood or taking a train that actually goes to Manhattan. I AM VERY EXCITED ANYWAYS! And you should be excited with me!

I enjoy being a girl!

Hey, remember how I said I hoped that January would be calm? Well, it hasn't been; its been stressful, what with all the Nintendo Wii playing, working, working, and Wii playing (side note: I look utterly spastic playing Tony Hawk). All this stress has been the reason for my absence, dear friends. I didn't want to project my thoroughly uninteresting stress onto you.

But my friends- I have a pop quiz for you:

In this photo, I am:

a. Dead in the morgue
b. Weird
c. Putting myself through a ridiculous process for the sake of beauty
d. What the hell?

The answer is: getting my eyelashes dyed. So if you answered b, c, or d- you're right! Essentially what happened was: my sister slathered a 2 inch thick layer of vaseline under my eyes. Then she put paper over the vaseline, but under my eyelashes. Then she sloshed black dye all over them. Hold still for ten minutes, lest you get dye under your eyelids and endure a pain in your eyeballs that is comparable to having tiny balls of fire for eyes. Wipe off and you're good to go!

My first question about this whole process was: WHY?!?! And the answer to that is this: I don't have to wear mascara for the next 4-6 weeks. Right on! That saves me an entire 1 minute every day when I'm getting ready in the bathroom! That's a minimum of 30 minutes saved in a month! Yeah!

Cons: Stinging eyeballs for 10 minutes. Looking drag queeny for the first 2-3 days.
Pros: No mascara (itchy eyeballs)! Funny pictures.

And here's one more photo because hey, these things are wackadoo!

That's my sister who kindly obliged when I asked her to take a photo of me. She was the first to point out, "You look dead." Also, I'm certain that is the worst possible angle from which to photograph a person.

The final product looks like this:

My eyelashes, not the see-food in my mouth.

Information I learned over Christmas break:

1. I inherited horrible acid reflux heartburnings from my dad's side of the family. Its mostly if I don't eat frequently enough (a problem I've had lately). Its killing me- especially considering my eating/sleeping/life schedule has been in upheaval for weeks now.

2. As a child, I was NOT one of those kids who was terrified of Santa. Actually, I loved sitting on Santa's lap. Couldn't get enough mall Santa. This is contrary to my previous belief that I was one of those funny terrified screaming kids. The loving Santa scenario fits into my mother's perfectly painted picture of me as a fearless child. A child not terrified to jump off the high dive at the public pool, a child not terrified of wandering around Disney World looking for Space Mountain alone. I was a fearless kid, apparently.

3. My mom is awesome at Wii bowling. So is my 11th grade English teacher.

2007: Year of the Pugicorn (with surprise bonus ending)!

So hey. I was going to a picture retrospective of my hair in 2007. Which is pretty ridiculous no matter how you slice it. But then I got that really bad haircut in October and so there's really no pictures to show from October - December. So how about a photo retrospective of my hair from January 2007 - October 2007? Sounds good. Okay then. On with the show:

January:


February:


March:

I realize this photo does not show my hair. But it is a hilariously accurate depiction of my working friendship with my coworker, Eric, so it stays.

April:


May:

I know this is sideways. I prefer it that way.

June:


July:


August - September:


October - December:



Congrats! You made it this far! This is the funniest picture from 2007: y/y?