I take pictures with other people's animals.

Alternately: My sister's dog is a mad scientist.


Alternately: My sister's dog is Michael J. Fox in Teenwolf.

New York Mass Transit

I'm going to pause here and say: this is about New York, its complex and fascinating (dirty) subway system. If these things do not concern you, my apologies.

A few months ago, the opening story on This American Life was a man talking about committing a cardinal sin: he moved from New York to Chicago or vice versa. Probably from New York to Chicago because New Yorkers can't fathom living anywhere else in the world, least of all Chicago where they have sub-standard pizza and you have to take the bus. You may as well just move to Connecticut! Anyhow- everything the guy said was true, New Yorkers want to tell you how much they like New York and how much you should love New York, and most of all New Yorkers talk about the subway. Here's a SAT prep test question:

Everyone else:weather :: New Yorkers:subway

Oops. Gave the answer away. In any case, people here DO talk about the subway a lot. I am talking about it right now!

All of the subway lines pass through Manhattan except for the G train. Lo, the G train which runs between Brooklyn and Queens.

I know people who deny the existence of the G train. It is a mysterious train. It never runs properly on the weekends. You might wait up to an hour at 3 in the morning on a Saturday (you have a better chance of finding a unicorn to fly you home). The G train is an enigma.

But, despite all the elusiveness of the G train, I still have a soft spot for it. Maybe because it can take me to Greenpoint. A place I find painfully ugly, yet adorable with all of its little old Polish people hobbling around. I can't believe I missed the news that the G train is expanding and to my great benefit:

Yay! Most of you probably have no idea what this means, so let me share with you: IT MEANS THAT I CAN WALK TO A G TRAIN STOP! FROM MY HOUSE!

Truthfully though, I don't know how often I will take the G train. I spend most of my time walking in my own neighborhood or taking a train that actually goes to Manhattan. I AM VERY EXCITED ANYWAYS! And you should be excited with me!

I enjoy being a girl!

Hey, remember how I said I hoped that January would be calm? Well, it hasn't been; its been stressful, what with all the Nintendo Wii playing, working, working, and Wii playing (side note: I look utterly spastic playing Tony Hawk). All this stress has been the reason for my absence, dear friends. I didn't want to project my thoroughly uninteresting stress onto you.

But my friends- I have a pop quiz for you:

In this photo, I am:

a. Dead in the morgue
b. Weird
c. Putting myself through a ridiculous process for the sake of beauty
d. What the hell?

The answer is: getting my eyelashes dyed. So if you answered b, c, or d- you're right! Essentially what happened was: my sister slathered a 2 inch thick layer of vaseline under my eyes. Then she put paper over the vaseline, but under my eyelashes. Then she sloshed black dye all over them. Hold still for ten minutes, lest you get dye under your eyelids and endure a pain in your eyeballs that is comparable to having tiny balls of fire for eyes. Wipe off and you're good to go!

My first question about this whole process was: WHY?!?! And the answer to that is this: I don't have to wear mascara for the next 4-6 weeks. Right on! That saves me an entire 1 minute every day when I'm getting ready in the bathroom! That's a minimum of 30 minutes saved in a month! Yeah!

Cons: Stinging eyeballs for 10 minutes. Looking drag queeny for the first 2-3 days.
Pros: No mascara (itchy eyeballs)! Funny pictures.

And here's one more photo because hey, these things are wackadoo!

That's my sister who kindly obliged when I asked her to take a photo of me. She was the first to point out, "You look dead." Also, I'm certain that is the worst possible angle from which to photograph a person.

The final product looks like this:

My eyelashes, not the see-food in my mouth.