Omaha, Lindsey Lohan, and How I Saved Christmas

First of all, let me just say that I am writing this from my blackberry. Second, I am in a car somewhere near Omaha Nebraska. Because my flight from Denver was cancelled. Impromptu road trip with my pal Kristen. We are on a race to Iowa\a race to save Christmas.

Not to worry though, we are hopped up on energy drinks and wearing night vision Blueblockers. We are going to single handedly save Christmas!

The voiceover for the trailer to the movie about our cross country trip would go something like this...

in a world
Where blizzards close airports
Two girls will travel across america's heartland
To save Christmas...
And learn the true meaning of holiday spirit.

Cue the Christmas music.

Nebraska is in my top five most boring states in the country. Indiana and Oklahoma, I am looking at you two...cause you're pretty damn boring to drive through too.

Very merries everybody.

Should you need a hearty laugh....its Dr. Tran! (and the Skittles Bunny)

Jeffrey, bringing grody back!


And also because this never stop being funny to me:

Singing Skittles bunny! Yoyoyoyoooooyoyoyo!

I had planned a year end retrospective + movie review post, but this is far more entertaining.

cold december.

one of my favorite people, the true blue creative artist that works in my office, said to me, "jen, how did you get so smart? how did you become so responsible by 25? aren't you supposed to be wild and crazy? you know so much about the world."

sure, i've been around- i've explored the universe searching for passion and creativity. i've been broken, shoved, my face knocked in the ground. and whether discovering a new country where i don't speak the language or simply trying to understand my world, i've always found the inspiration to write. the words to express the feelings that my body often could not contain. it was that very reason that i almost failed out of college my freshmen year.

i've never been complacent with complacency and i've always had creativity streaming from head to hand to paper. but the seesaw is no longer level and the logical, rational person has the creative me hanging in the air begging to come down and balance out.

i'm willing to acknowledge that alogorthmically speaking, i'm at a high point in my ability to be rational and logical and thoughtful. and i'm struggling to grow into this skin. struggling to balance.

christmas work party cliche.

oh good god, my head hurts. christmas party for work last night.

i dressed up in a party dress and had deja vu of being 14 and going to a school dance and feeling so awkward all dressed up. except this time at least, i wasn't so flat chested. score.

my boss and i shared nostalgia about what teenagers do on golf courses after the sun has gone down.

i didn't become an office party cliche- no hooking up with coworkers, nobody saw my girl bits, and i avoided any activities that could get a person fired.

my head is still throbbing despite lots of advil.

its utterly inconceivable that i have to jump on an airplane on friday. all this traveling has made my life difficult to keep up with. friends, i'm not forgetting you, i'm having trouble remembering which time zone i'm in and i've become an expert at airplane traveling but not being a good friend lately.

here's my good friend/expert traveler advice: always bring your airline's 800 number with you. always, always, always.

i've been eating ramen noodles like a college kid recently.

also, illinois friends. i'll be in roscford friday, saturday, sunday, and monday of next week.

the fine art of dining alone.

I've written about Christmas shopping in the past. When the story about the plot to blow up the Rockford mall broke last week, part of my heart was sad that someone could feel that harming others and causing damage to a building could prove a point.

And then I attempted Christmas shopping myself.

"A panic attack is a period of intense, often temporarily disabling sense of extreme fear or psychological distress, typically of abrupt onset. Though it is often a purely terrifying feeling to the sufferer, panic attacks are actually an evolutionary body response often known as the fight-or-flight response. Symptoms may include trembling, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, chest pain (or chest tightness), sweating, nausea, dizziness (or slight vertigo), hyperventilation, paresthesias (tingling sensations), vomiting, and sensations of choking or smothering. During a panic attack, the body typically releases large amounts of adrenaline into the bloodstream. Many first time sufferers of a panic attack believe they are dying or going insane. It is a feeling that cannot be described until one has had an attack. Many often say panic attacks are one of the most frightening experiences in their lives. People who suffer from phobias may experience panic attacks upon exposure to certain triggers."

This is what I experience at the mall at Christmas time. All my shopping has been done online this year for this very reason.

In what could be the worst non-sequiter ever....

I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Everyone here is very, extremely nice. Even the homeless man asked me how I was doing (good) and if I was from around here (no). I would drown in a sea of niceness here. A stranger invited me into his company's Christmas party that was happening in one of the conference rooms of my hotel. Tonight, I was invited to a hockey game. The hockey's mascot gave me a high five. Everyone in Oklahoma is nice!

There are TWO western wear stores outside my hotel window. TWO. You're all getting belt buckles, money clips, cowboy boots, hats, and assless chaps for Christmas.

I've drank Shinerbock and eaten at the Whattaburger across the way from my hotel. A little boy asked me if I was drinking Dr. Pepper. No! But Shinerbock tastes just as good, little boy!

Jen's Guide to Eating Alone:
+Bring a book or a newspaper to read, or a journal to write in.
+Avoid places like Chuck E. Cheese and Cracker Barrel (well, avoid Cracker Barrel regardless).
+Try to get a good vantage point for people watching.
+Be aware of your location. Are you in the middle of the country? Ask yourself where that fish came from to get to your plate.

In conclusion, Oklahoma is okay!

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As a kid, I remember reading a book in the waiting room of the dentist's office about this little boy, Thomas. It was about how when he was little, everyone called him Tommy. Then he grew up a little and everybody called him Tom. Then he was an adult and everyone called him Thomas. Should I let people start calling me Jennifer?

Ha. Right. Like that would ever happen.

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I feel uninspired and lacking in creativity lately. (Too busy.) What inspires you? What websites or blogs do you visit that fuel your creativity, that make you feel inspired?

At some point, you forget just how tired you really are.

I have been giving and listening and high-fiving and sending my positive energy out into the world in massive amounts this week. For reasons unimportant in this forum, I have several friends who could really use the listening ear, the jumping high-five, the silly faces, the heartfelt emails right now/this week. But after all of the outgoing positive energy and the large quantities of energy drinks I've consumed (the Jen taste test: Monster: okay; Rockstar: slightly less than okay; Full Throttle: pretty tasty; Tab: pink!), I am looking forward to sleeping in this weekend. I am also looking forward to: Degrassi: The Next Generation, Season 2 and making the thrift store rounds to get my (tacky) holiday party ensemble + tacky white elephant gift together for the work party next week.

Also, buy or stream the Sufjan Stevens 5 disc set, "Songs for Christmas". You'll be glad you did. It is way better than all the lame plots to blow up and set the Rockford mall on fire. If the Christmas terroristas really wanted to hit Rockford where it hurts, they'd go after the good stuff:

Oooooooooooooklahoma, where the queers come sweepin down the plain!

Hey my babies, I'm going to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma next week. Do you live there? Do you know someone nice who lives there? Have you been there and know fun places to go at night time or yummy places for the girl least likely to be on a business trip to go?

I'll be there Monday through Wednesday.

Also, here is a picture of me and my dad on Thanksgiving:

For business and pleasure.

Two weeks later, I'm back in Colorado. Two mini-vacations and one business trip with more fun than actual business mixed in...and well, I spent a lot of my time with family, old and awesome friends, and New York pals (in that order). Somewhere in all of it, I was caught in that snowstorm. At O'Hare Airport.

So I'm still catching up on returning to regular life in Colorado. Apparently, it snowed a week before it snowed in the midwest, but its wicked cold here.

I will try to catch up on your blogs and your busy lives, watching my Netflix, paying bills, and Christmas shopping. Oh dreaded Christmas shopping. Have I ever told you how much I hate the mall at Christmas time? Another day, another blog...

For now, let me regale you with this list of People/Places/Things that I am all about right now:

+Natasha Wescoat, artist
+Lester Bangs, author
+NPR (++All Things Considered and This American Life)
+Making new beepy-boopy ringtones for my Crackberry
+Finally finding some new pants that fit my short legs!
+New haircuts