Brothers from another mother?
Okay, neither one is in that new Superman movie (which looks a wee bit homoerotic, no?), even though Nicholas Cage wanks off at night wishing he was the new Superman. (As a side bit: I encourage you to watch An Evening with Kevin Smith, specifically the anecdote about Kevin meeting with producers and Tim Burton about the new Superman movie had me in tears.) Nicholas Cage strikes me as such a massive moron. OH! I almost forgot to mention, Clive Owen is obviously the more attractive and smarter one. Clivey, I wasn't trying to insult you, babe!
Nicolas Cage, doing his acting excercises:
Who?
What?
Whhhhhheeere?
I am not digging on Superman, you guys. I am down with Superman. I've ridden two different Superman rollercoasters, visited Metropolis, America (they have a huge Superman statue in the town square). My beef is not with Superman. My beef is with you, Cage.
Dude. You named your kid after Kal-El, a fictional character in a comic book. Let's all pause for a moment to think about that.
.
.
.
KAL-EL? I'm sorry, that's not okay. You and Britney Spears can go start your religion worshipping your babies and Superman. Why not name your kid Marlon, after Marlon Brando who played Kal-El? Your kid could have grown up to be so much better, hell, even Don Corleone would have been okay. But this?
TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.
EDIT: But Marlon Brando looks a bit like Amadeus Mozart, no?
He was the first punk ever to set foot on this earth.He was a genius from the day of his birth.
He could play the piano like a ring and a bell
And ev'rybody screamed: Come on, rock me Amadeus.
He was a superstar, he was dynamite and whatever he did (it)
Seemed to be alright.
And he drank (and) he cursed and he fooled around
But when the women would shout:
Rock me Amadeus,Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus,Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Oh oh oh Amadeus.
With a bottle of wine in one hand and a woman in the other
'Cause he was a ladies man
He never stopped to worry what the next day would bring
Because the girls would sing:
Rock me Amadeus, etc...
His mind was on rock and roll and having fun
Because he lived so fast he had to die so young.
But he made his mark in history.
Still ev'rybody says: Rock me Amadeus
Even Falco thinks you're lame. And this is coming from a man named Falco. Speaking of Falco and his very exceptional music, did you know he wrote a song about me? Check it:
Jeanny, komm, come on
Steh auf bitte
Du wirst ganz nass
Schon spät, komm
Wir müssen weg hier
Raus aus dem
WaldVerstehst du nicht?
Wo ist dein
Schuh
Du hast in verloren,
Als ich dir den
Weg zeigen musste
Wer hat verloren?
Du, dich? Ich mich?
Oder Wir uns?
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world
There's someone who needs you
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
You're lost in the night
Don't wanna struggle and fight
There's someone who needs you
Es ist kalt
Wir müssen weg hier,
Komm.
Dein Lippenstift ist verwischt
Du hast ihn gekauft und
Und ich habe es gesehen
Zuviel Rot auf deinen Lippen
Und du hast gesagt "mach mich nicht an"
Aber du warst durchschaut.
Augen sagen mehr als Worte
Du brauchst mich doch, hmmmh?
Alle wissen, dass wir zusammen sind
Ab heute
Jetzt hör ich sie!
Sie kommen!
Sie kommen dich zu holen.
Sie werden dich nicht finden.
Niemand wird dich finden!!
Du bist bei mir.
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world
There's someone who needs you
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
You're lost in the night
Don't wanna struggle and fight
There's someone who needs you
Newsflash:
in den letzten monaten ist die zahl
der vermissten personen dramatisch angestiegendie
jüngste veröffentlichung der lokalen polizei-behörde
berichtet von einem weiteren tragischen fall.
es handelt sich um ein neunzehnjähriges mädchen,
das zuletzt vor vierzehn tagen gesehen wurde.
die polizei schliesst die möglichkeit nicht aus, dass essich hier um ein verbrechen handelt.
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world
There's someone who needs you
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
You're lost in the night
Don't wanna struggle and fight
There's someone who needs you
Falco actually wrote that song for me after we shared a really special night together in Berlin. My German is pretty weak, so I didn't correct him on how to spell me name.
(Babelfish translation of above Falco lyrics)
Jeanny, come, come on stand on please you completely wet already late, come we must Raus from forest-understand away here you not? Where is your shoe you in lost, when I had to show you the way who have lost? You, you? I me? Or we us? Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems look for A lonely little girl in A cold, cold world There's someone who needs you Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems You're draws into the night Don't wanna struggle and fight There's someone who needs you It is coldly we must away here, comes. Your lippenstift is smears you him bought and and I has it "Mach me" however you was seen too much red on your lips and you has said not on checks up. Eyes say more than words you need me nevertheless, hmmmh? All know that we are together let us hear from today on now I her! They come! They come you to get. They will not find you. Nobody will find you!! You are with me. Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems look for A lonely little girl in A cold, cold world There's someone who needs you Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems You're draws into the night Don't wanna struggle and fight There's someone who needs you Newsflash: in the last months the number of the missed persons is dramatically recent publication of the local police authority reported rise-rising those of a further tragic case. concerns a nineteen-year old girl, before fourteen last meet was seen the police does not exclude the possibility not that essich around commit a crime here acts. Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems look for A lonely little girl in A cold, cold world There's someone who needs you Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems You're draws into the night Don't wanna struggle and fight There's someone who needs you
Its okay, maybe someday Falco will write a song about you, Nicolas Cage. GOD, EVEN IF YOU HAD NAMED YOUR BABY FALCO THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN KAL-EL! YOU AND TOM CRUISE AND BRITNEY SPEARS CAN ALL LIVE TOGETHER ON CRAZY ISLAND WHERE YOU WORSHIP YOUR BABIES.
Worst.
Photoshop.
Ever.
7 comments:
I was giggling a little bit throughout that post, but when I got to the PhotoShop bit, I think I hurt myself laughing.
I shall send you the bill for my care.
Oh my. I did go on a bit of a rant, no?
I should teach a class on 'Crappy Photoshopping in 10 minutes!' That seems like something a community college would offer as a non-credit class. My local community college offers a non-credit "continued learning" class to women called, "How to Flirt!"
"Do you know anything about spiders? Fiercest creature in the jungle."
That skit had the best punch line ever when he he said non-chalantly, yeah the movie he produced instead was Wild Wild West. Epic.
Nick Cage is lame, but he has been in some awesome roles. Its like hes really hot or really cold. But who can take away from his roles in such films as:
Adaptation
Wild at Heart
Raising Arizona
Red Rock West
Matchstick Men
Wow, he doesnt really have that many movies I love him in no that I think about it. I man not compared to his LAME roles in:
Gaurding Tess
It Could Happen to You
The Rock
Face Off
Con Air
Snake Eyes
8MM
Cpt. Correllies Mandolin
Windtalkers
National Treasure
Gone in 60 Seconds
God, I hate Nick Cage. You are right.
Frank, have you checked out Kevin Smith's blog? Recently, he wrote this 8 part story about helping Jason Mewes kick heroin. It took my 2+ hours to read the whole, but I couldn't stop. Heart-wrenching and a testament to the fact that Kevin Smith is a stand-up guy. BUT. The Superman story and the Prince story had me in tears. In tears with laughter! Hilarious. For that reason alone, I will probably laugh through the entire Superman movie.
Frank. Have you seen The Inside Man yet? That's what inspired this post- Clive Owen looks ridiculously like Nick Cage. And the movie was okay too.
And yes, Nick Cage should have stuck with his famous last name- he needs all the help he can get. His ratio of epic roles to shitty roles is not good. Didn't he win an Oscar for something?
Did you know that when you post comments to a TypePad blog, underneath the word verification it says "This step is to ensure that automated robots aren't leaving comments."?
I thought, but hey, what if the author of this blog WANTS to hear from robots? What then?
So, yeah, stay away from TypePad. They hate robots.
I cannot support anyone who discriminates against robots.
Jenn,
I did see the Inside Man, and I really liked it. You may or may not remember, but I am a huge Spike Lee hater. I think the guy is a piece of shit in short.
So many film students and 25 to 40 year old film buffs cling to "Do The Right Thing" like it was the 2nd coming. The movie is super cliche, pompous and full of bullshit. Then I look at other films of his like School Daze, Crooklyn, Clockers, Mo Better Blues, Girl 6 - and I just get ill thinking about the fact that tons of people actually claim this guy is a great american director.
To make matters worse, the only films by him I can even stand are the ones many of his precious fans didnt like - Summer of Sam, 25th Hour, and He Got Game.
All of that aside, I love Clive Owen. He is a fucking badass pure and simple and one of the best actors around today hands down. His roles in Closer and Sin City alone are enough to earn him a top spot in my mind. I also strongly reccomend an earlier fim he was in call "Croupier" he certainly will rock your socks in that as well.
So Inside Man was the new Spike Lee. It had Clive in it, Jodie Foster was looking very fine for her age, and Willem Dafoe has a part - I was interested.
After watching it I said that I really liked it. It was clever, well acted, well directed, etc. it had good twists and turns whatever. it was the next Goodfellas, but it was good and I certainly was entertained.
Later that night talking about I realized what was different about it versus all of Spike's other films - it wasnt a soapbox for him to preach his views on racism, specifically racism again blacks in New York city. Most of his other movies are jsut that, him preaching about racism and he does it in a trite way which makes his movies boring. Inside Man stemmed away from this. It did have his little signature racism parts, i.e. Denzel talking to the mexican cop who was describing a situation and using racist terms or the big long scene with the guy and his turban. But it wasnt over the top.
All in all I enjoyed it. I would describe it as an un-Spike Lee Spike Lee film. Much like Match Point was a very un-Woody Allen Woody Allen film, because he wasnt a soapbox for him to make sexist comments and be perverted.
What is it with New York City film makers?
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