/a popgun summer/

Summer came out in full force this weekend. Dancing, parties, margaritas, loitering about in the warm night air, summer dresses and flip flops, painted toe nails, sunshine in my eyes, bug bites, B-B-Qs, fireworks, parades, flea markets, oldfriendsnewfriendsgreatfriends.

This weekend was incredible. I want every day of summer to be just like this weekend.

My office window is open and I can smell the summer and I am having trouble focusing on work. I stick my head out the window watching all the traffic going by. I don't even mind the humidity.

This summer won't be wasted. Not like last summer. Or the year before. Or the summer before. Too much time lost waiting for dreams that never come, worrying about decisions beyond my control. I scratch my bug bites with glee this year. The heat and humidity so hot its impossible to sleep doesn't bother me at all this summer. I am driving with my windows rolled down, my music turned up, and sunshine in my hair this summer. No summer has felt as promising and hopeful as this summer. I am full of determination for this summer.

Unrelated to summer, except that "Man, I love iced coffee in the way that I would bathe in it and as I'm bathing in the iced coffee, be drinking the iced coffee I'm bathing in," sort of way:
Starbucks is dramatically changing the landscape of our culture? With coffee?

Hey, did I tell you about the time Adam & I traveled through time in 3D?

And by "travel through time" I mean "Went to the furniture store and saw the 3D movie."

And for my aspiring stuntfriends:
How to Jump From a Building Into a Dumpster
1. Jump straight down. If you leap away from the building at an angle, your trajectory will make you miss the dumpster.
2. Tuck your head and bring your legs around, executing a three-quarter somersault. This allows you to land with your back facing down.
3. Aim for the center of the dumpster.
4. Land flat on your back. When your body hits any surface from a significant height, the body folds into a V. This means landing on your stomach can result in a broken back.

More pictures of cats.

This is Simone (or you can call him Malik). He's a Persian cat studying the Quoran. He's probably the best cat of all time (as indicated by the beams of light shining from his head).

Summer!

The sun shining on my toes + my fluffy cat = this is how every morning should begin.

I love the smell of commerce in the morning.

My MacBook Pro and I are together forever, happy and healthy.

I'm having some adjustment issues. Namely with Harry PODder, my Musical Wizard (that's my iPod). (In old timey voice) See here...

So, Harry PODder is formatted for Windows and now I have a Mac. I can't reformat without erasing the contents of my iPod however. My PC (circa 2000) only has 30 gigs on it, my iPod has 60g (hey, in 2000, 30 gig was big). So I can't just dump everything from my iPod onto my PC, then reformat Harry PODder, then reload everything from my computer, then upload it onto my new Mac.

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?


I feel as though the answer to this question shouldn't be so difficult and that its like one of those eye picture puzzles. If you squint long enough, you'll see the schooner. Let's face it: I'm really awful at those stupid magic eye posters.




Little Girl: [looking at a Magic Eye poster] Wow. It's a schooner.
Willam Black: Ha ha ha ha. You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner... it's a Sailboat.
Little Boy: A schooner IS a sailboat stupid head.
Willam Black: [becoming enraged] You know what. There is NO Easter Bunny. Over there, that's just a guy in a suit.

Pictures!

I found these photos while cleaning out my computer today. They make me laugh a hearty laugh, indeed:

Today, I had fun playing with Duotones in the PS. Consequently, this is what I would look like if I were a green monster:

But not this green monster:

I take it all back.

Any time I have ever said I enjoy charts and graphs, I was lying. Because I do not. Not anymore. Not bar graphs or pie charts or spreadsheets converted into distributions of ticket prices...

I want no part of it.

My eyes have crossed themselves and all the numbers are jumbled.

Question O' the Day:
For my friends with laptops, do you use a mouse or just the little touchypad?

Also:
Today's Dinosaur Comic is HILARIOUS. ("My bike will be called Susan. That's a good name." "My bike will be called Sexual Intercourse: The Bike!")

"I'm sorry about all those awful languages I was using."

#1. I bought this computer (with a few extras for fun) on Friday. Like most everything in my life, it took me approximately 4 seconds to decide that I wanted one and more than a year of agonizing to buy one. Upon completing my purchase, Aaron my Apple representative and myself had the following exchange:
Me: I am so excited!
Aaron: You should be. I would be if I were you and I was getting a new MacBook Pro.
Me: I want to have sex with myself! And I want to have sex with my new computer!
Aaron: Haha...(awkward laughter). Thank you for shopping at Apple...

But, now my life is full of decisions. I need to find a carry case mechanism for this new piece of eqipment. Chances are, I will have it surgically welded to my body. But until that happens, I need to carry this thing around in a bag of some sort. But, I'm being a bit persnickety about the whole thing. I have fewer standards for boyfriends than I do for this stupid bag for my computer:

*Must be comfortable to carry on my shoulder (messenger bag with good shoulder strap, backpack style preferred).
*Cannot be ugly.
*Must be able to fit my iPod, my day planner, my gernal (or journal, for the uninitiated), my digital camera, my cellphone. Okay, gross, I am entirely too connected to the universe in a very disjointed, electronic way.
*Cannot look like a briefcase. I know that I have a full time job, but I refuse to be a jerk with a briefcase.
*I just dropped a huge chunk of money on a computer, I don't have another $200 to buy a bag.

Any recommendations?

#2 The play is over now after a most successful run, in my opinion. Lots of laughter, so much hard work by some excellent people. On the whole, I had a positive experience and I hope everyone else did as well. I'm not sure what I'll do with my evenings now. Read more books on my patio. Watch those Netflix that have been collecting dust atop my t.v. Return to the gym for some much needed running, jumping, swimming, and raquetballing. Spend more time brushing my cat. Cook dinner. Painting pictures of octopii. Take more pictures of my feet.

#3 I'm sorry I went a bit wacky in our last visit together. Sometimes I just need to let off a little steam. And sometimes that steam manifests itself as German pop lyrics, bad Photoshopping, and discussions of Nicholas Cage. I apologize if I alarmed you. I didn't go crazy, I just went off on a tangent, a very crazy tangent.

#4 I saw the Da Vinci Code. I was prepared to go in there and really hate Tom Hanks. I don't know why, he just didn't seem like the right man for the job. Ultimately, I think he did a stellar job, but Ron Howard. Please stop making movies. Or make kids movies. No more swirly camera twirls or swelling music. Please no.

#5 ATTENTION EVERYONE. Go watch Jack Black's Nacho Libre Confessional Video Podcasts. Funny, funny. Jack Black getting his chest waxed is comedy gold.

#6 Some day, I hope to have the bad ass Photoshop skillz that create amazing photographs like this Charlie Chaplin cat:

No, actually, I hope someday to have better Photoshop skillz than that.

THIS JUST IN:

Nicolas Cage and Clive Owen to play Clark Kent and Superman in the upcoming Superman Returns.

Brothers from another mother?

Okay, neither one is in that new Superman movie (which looks a wee bit homoerotic, no?), even though Nicholas Cage wanks off at night wishing he was the new Superman. (As a side bit: I encourage you to watch An Evening with Kevin Smith, specifically the anecdote about Kevin meeting with producers and Tim Burton about the new Superman movie had me in tears.) Nicholas Cage strikes me as such a massive moron. OH! I almost forgot to mention, Clive Owen is obviously the more attractive and smarter one. Clivey, I wasn't trying to insult you, babe!

Nicolas Cage, doing his acting excercises:

Who?

What?

Whhhhhheeere?

I am not digging on Superman, you guys. I am down with Superman. I've ridden two different Superman rollercoasters, visited Metropolis, America (they have a huge Superman statue in the town square). My beef is not with Superman. My beef is with you, Cage.

Dude. You named your kid after Kal-El, a fictional character in a comic book. Let's all pause for a moment to think about that.

.

.

.

KAL-EL? I'm sorry, that's not okay. You and Britney Spears can go start your religion worshipping your babies and Superman. Why not name your kid Marlon, after Marlon Brando who played Kal-El? Your kid could have grown up to be so much better, hell, even Don Corleone would have been okay. But this? TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.

EDIT: But Marlon Brando looks a bit like Amadeus Mozart, no?

He was the first punk ever to set foot on this earth.
He was a genius from the day of his birth.
He could play the piano like a ring and a bell
And ev'rybody screamed: Come on, rock me Amadeus.
He was a superstar, he was dynamite and whatever he did (it)
Seemed to be alright.
And he drank (and) he cursed and he fooled around
But when the women would shout:
Rock me Amadeus,Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus,Amadeus, Amadeus, Amadeus, Oh oh oh Amadeus.
With a bottle of wine in one hand and a woman in the other
'Cause he was a ladies man
He never stopped to worry what the next day would bring
Because the girls would sing:
Rock me Amadeus, etc...
His mind was on rock and roll and having fun
Because he lived so fast he had to die so young.
But he made his mark in history.
Still ev'rybody says: Rock me Amadeus

Even Falco thinks you're lame. And this is coming from a man named Falco. Speaking of Falco and his very exceptional music, did you know he wrote a song about me? Check it:

Jeanny, komm, come on
Steh auf bitte
Du wirst ganz nass
Schon spät, komm
Wir müssen weg hier
Raus aus dem
WaldVerstehst du nicht?
Wo ist dein
Schuh
Du hast in verloren,
Als ich dir den
Weg zeigen musste
Wer hat verloren?
Du, dich? Ich mich?
Oder Wir uns?

Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world
There's someone who needs you
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
You're lost in the night
Don't wanna struggle and fight
There's someone who needs you

Es ist kalt
Wir müssen weg hier,
Komm.
Dein Lippenstift ist verwischt
Du hast ihn gekauft und
Und ich habe es gesehen
Zuviel Rot auf deinen Lippen
Und du hast gesagt "mach mich nicht an"
Aber du warst durchschaut.
Augen sagen mehr als Worte
Du brauchst mich doch, hmmmh?
Alle wissen, dass wir zusammen sind
Ab heute
Jetzt hör ich sie!
Sie kommen!
Sie kommen dich zu holen.
Sie werden dich nicht finden.
Niemand wird dich finden!!
Du bist bei mir.

Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world
There's someone who needs you
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
You're lost in the night
Don't wanna struggle and fight
There's someone who needs you

Newsflash:
in den letzten monaten ist die zahl
der vermissten personen dramatisch angestiegendie
jüngste veröffentlichung der lokalen polizei-behörde
berichtet von einem weiteren tragischen fall.
es handelt sich um ein neunzehnjähriges mädchen,
das zuletzt vor vierzehn tagen gesehen wurde.
die polizei schliesst die möglichkeit nicht aus, dass essich hier um ein verbrechen handelt.

Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
Such a lonely little girl in a cold, cold world
There's someone who needs you
Jeanny, quit livin' on dreams
Jeanny, life is not what it seems
You're lost in the night
Don't wanna struggle and fight
There's someone who needs you

Falco actually wrote that song for me after we shared a really special night together in Berlin. My German is pretty weak, so I didn't correct him on how to spell me name.

(Babelfish translation of above Falco lyrics)

Jeanny, come, come on stand on please you completely wet already late, come we must Raus from forest-understand away here you not? Where is your shoe you in lost, when I had to show you the way who have lost? You, you? I me? Or we us? Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems look for A lonely little girl in A cold, cold world There's someone who needs you Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems You're draws into the night Don't wanna struggle and fight There's someone who needs you It is coldly we must away here, comes. Your lippenstift is smears you him bought and and I has it "Mach me" however you was seen too much red on your lips and you has said not on checks up. Eyes say more than words you need me nevertheless, hmmmh? All know that we are together let us hear from today on now I her! They come! They come you to get. They will not find you. Nobody will find you!! You are with me. Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems look for A lonely little girl in A cold, cold world There's someone who needs you Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems You're draws into the night Don't wanna struggle and fight There's someone who needs you Newsflash: in the last months the number of the missed persons is dramatically recent publication of the local police authority reported rise-rising those of a further tragic case. concerns a nineteen-year old girl, before fourteen last meet was seen the police does not exclude the possibility not that essich around commit a crime here acts. Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems look for A lonely little girl in A cold, cold world There's someone who needs you Jeanny, quit livin ' on dreams Jeanny, life is emergency what it seems You're draws into the night Don't wanna struggle and fight There's someone who needs you

Its okay, maybe someday Falco will write a song about you, Nicolas Cage. GOD, EVEN IF YOU HAD NAMED YOUR BABY FALCO THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN KAL-EL! YOU AND TOM CRUISE AND BRITNEY SPEARS CAN ALL LIVE TOGETHER ON CRAZY ISLAND WHERE YOU WORSHIP YOUR BABIES.

Worst.

Photoshop.

Ever.

Fairy princess ballerinas.

I'm sorry this place lacks significant content recently. Between working and extra-curricular activities, I've been home long enough to sleep. And that's it. Not that being at home would change the content here at the Outré Lounge, as I don't have a computer at home (not until my sweet MacBook Pro arrives in my eager little hands). In the meantime, here is a certificate you can print out and fill your name in to prove to everyone that you're not a total fuckup: Insert your own name. And if you're a boy, well, I guess you'll have to deal with that.

Dear Adam, we should probably learn how to make different faces in our photos. See below.

Two years ago:
Six months ago:

Edit for Ms. Jane: It might take me quite literally weeks to compile the (de)evolution of my haircolor, as I haven't seen my natural color since 1994! And I'm not even sure that there's documentation for some of the shorter lived colors- like the Feria Chocolate Cherry #36 incident from my junior year of high school, or bright ass blue from December of 2002 which subsequently led to the "my hair is so damaged its falling out and won't hold any color- not even my own natural haircolor" incident. But, here's one of my favorites, the pink roots/black look from two summers ago:

My iPod and I, we love each other in that special way.

Inspired by several different sources, I've decided to put my iPod on shuffle and write about the first 10-15 songs that come up. The two rules to this game are: #1, No skipping, even if its embarassing or "what the hell is this?" (but really- who doesn't know every single song on their iPod? uhhhhhhh...I don't.) And rule #2: I don't have to follow rule #1 if I don't want to. So, without further ado:

#1 Sig Transit Gloria, Wide Open Window
Oh yes! This is why my iPod and I love each other. This band made me love Keyboard-Rock before it was cool (the second time around: post-Duran Duran, pre-Killers). When I think of the Fireside Bowl, Sig Transit Gloria immediately comes to mind (they both are also probably responsible for any hearing loss I have suffered over the years). This song still makes me full of joy and wanting to sing at the top of my lungs- and I don't care who hears me. You hear me? I don't care!

#2 Dashboard Confessional, The Good Fight
When Chris Carabba decided to start being happy again, his music suffered greatly. But The Swiss Army Romance and The Places You Have Come to Fear the Most were and still are, in my opinion, a great display of pure, raw emotion. This begs the question of does an artist's latter day sins negate earlier brilliance? I don't know, I really don't. But I can tell you this: when someone has broken my heart, there is no better therapy than turning The Swiss Army Romance or The Drowning EP and SCREAMING the words. Feels sooooo good.

I distinctly remember sitting in Frank/Colin/The Bern's apartment in college and saying, "I need to smoke," and Frank responded with, "Not in here you're not." I went out on the back porch and in the distance I could hear a chorus of drunk college kids, "Your (Bern's) hair is EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVERYWHERE, screaming infidelities...." Totally Epic, my friends. (And for Frank, "I don't think that I'm getting any better, Eddie Veder.")

#3 Incubus, Glass
Ahhhhhhh....Incubus. Haven't heard from them in awhile. S.C.I.E.N.C.E. definitively reminds me of two things: 1) Being in college and 2) Being high (synonymous, no?). If I want to feel like I'm high, all I need to do is listen to S.C.I.E.N.C.E. This was the album I listened to during the hottest and most humid summer I've ever experienced- when I still thought it was socially appropriate to smoke and then go to Philosophy class for three hours.

#4 Morrissey, Irish Blood, English Heart
Morrissey, you sly dog, you. I should start by saying, I like the Smiths. I haven't heard Morrissey's latest CD, but I think J.Abdou gave me You Are the Quarry a few summers ago. Its very Morrissey. I do like this song though.

#5 Cibo Matto, About a Girl
I go back and forth on Cibo Matto a lot. But I adore this Nirvana cover. In my opinion, a good cover song takes the original song and reinterprets it while staying true to the original meaning of the song. They took this song that I so very closely identify with my angry, angry junior high years and have reinterpreted it as this jazzy, lounge song. I would play this at a dinner party.

#6 Walter Wanderly, One Note Samba
Oooooooh, another loungey jazz song. This is from the Out of Sight Soundtrack which was introduced to me by Mark M. Love it. The year that movie came out, MTV did a series of commercials for the Movie Awards with Jason Schwartzmann (as his character, Max in Rushmore) re-enacting movies. His version of Out of Sight was awesome. "You wanna tussle?" "There. We tussled."

#7 Mates of State, Think Long
How adorable are Mates of State? I'm in love with their cuteness. This is one of my favorite songs from their new album, Bring It Back. Mates of State, you make me happy, I love you. The end.

#8 Madonna, Dress You Up
The gay man trapped in my body forces me to love Madonna. And I do. This song reminds me of my best friend in high school, Liz. Those series of Gap ads that had all the kids in tech vests singing songs was great. And she loved that commercial with them singing Madonna's Dress You Up. I loved that commercial too. And this song. And I still love those things: the commercial, the song. I even kind of love Madonna's new ABBA disco thing she's doing- it makes me want to rollerskate. Old school Madonna: could there be any better music for dance parties in my undies? I think not.

#9 Amadou & Mariam, La Paix
Man, I love this crazy African poppy music. Amadou & Mariam are hardly what I would call pop music, but I find them incredibly infectious. Its a dude and a lady and they are blind as bats. And they make "world" music that reaches so far beyond the limits of that genre. Not quite friendly enough for radio airplay, not quite indie enough for college stations, but I'm convinced there must be an audience for them. This is music I cook to, music I wash dishes to, music for chillaxin with my friends.

#10 The Postal Service, We Will Become Silhouettes
Ben Gibbard, Jenny Lewis, and that Dntel guy need to make another Postal Service album- RIGHT.NOW. So basically, anything Ben Gibbard creates I am completely smitten by- even All Time Quarterback. Death Cab for Cutie, Postal Service, All Time Quarterback, even just Ben solo, makes me so happy- don't ask me how because most of its pretty downbeat music, but it does.

I distinctly recall being quite sad one day, and my friend L. turned Postal Service on as loud as possible from his car stereo and we had a dance party in the Peter Pan parking lot in Northampton. And everything felt so much better than it had before. Because Postal Service does that to me.

My life, as told through pictures (non-chronologically):

Pirates!

Witches!
Is it just me, or is the guy on the left trying to slip his finger into the guy in the middle's bum? Naw, its just me. And hello, wax pirate on the right! "Greetings from sunny, Salem MA! We met some Puritans here. They seem nice, but a little crazy about finding "the witches". And they sure talk about going to hell a lot. Fire and brimstone, you know. Well, gotta go. Wish you were here! Peace & Love, Adam"

Wizards!

I saw Harry and the Potters. They call each other Harry Potter and sing songs about Harry Potter (Voldemort Can't Stop the Rock). If you've been paying close attention, you'll know what I mean when I say they took the best parts of Panther, made a kid&family friendly rock show about wizards, and they've probably played tonsil hockey with Ginny Weasley because of it. Here they are playing their giant air guitars in unison:

Basically, they are the best Harry Potter band ever. And the competition is fierce.

Yes, in case you wondering, I did wear my Harry Potter t-shirt:

Dinosaurs!

Mardi Gras!

Adam and I went to Mardi Gras! In a furniture store! Do you remember that Phil Collins video in the 80s with the giant puppets? The furniture store Mardi Gras had those giant puppets too! And they were singing When the Saints Go Marching In! Can you find all three celebrity pupets in this photo:

This enormously creepy jester flew across the sky! With his evil laser beam eyes!
Kitten parades!

What I'm trying to say is, I've been busy. And I will continue to be busy, but lovers, I will do my best to keep up with the Joneses around here.

Don't ask me, I was a liberal arts major.

H'ok.

I have 3 variables, let's call them X, Y, Z, and each has a different value. If I take 15% of the value of each variable and add the sums of discounted X, Y, Z, will that give me the same amount as if I add X, Y, Z together and then discount 15% of the sum of the three variables.

#1
.15X + .15Y + .15Z = Total

#2
X + Y + Z = Total*.15

Will those give me the same amount?

This is not a rhetorical question.

You guys, I scraped by with a C in Honors Algebra in high school and a D- in Business Calculus in college (how I tested into a math class of that academic level, I'll never know). Help a girl out.