It is Friday and I am suffering from ADD/Overcaffeination.

PLEASE ENDEAVOUR TO USED IT FOR THE CHILDREN OF GOD.
The above title is taken from an email sent to my work email address this morning. I usually reserve my work email for work related issues and use my personal email address(es) for my porno, Ebay, and otherwise incriminating endeavors I don't want our IT guy to read about at night when he's sitting alone in his office scavenging for hot and spicy material on employees' company emails. I don't generally receive junk SPAMMY emails at work. I don't generally even see the SPAM that arrives at my personal emails either (thanks Gmail!).

So this SPAM is run of the mill (My husband died and I am dying too, but I want to give a Jesus-lover my ten million dollars, you should call this man in the Netherlands, blahblahblah), but this woman! Oh! She should write poetry. My favorite excerpts:

"I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord."

The bosom of the Lord? Maya Angelou couldn't even write greatness like that. As a personal note, the phrasing "bosom of the Lord" makes me think this woman thinks the Lord is a lady because we all know men do not have bosoms, nor would they put people in their bosoms given the opportunity.

"I BELIEVE HE WILL LEAD YOU TO YOUR SUCCESS IN JESUS NAME AMEN."

You guys! Jesus is giving me ten million dollars! 60g video iPods for everyone! Let's all start lighting our cigarettes with $100 bills!

Etc., Etc., Etc. (A few other thoughts (briefly))


If Jesus was giving me 10 million dollars, I would spend most of my days sitting in a giant tub of Nivea Night Renewal Body Cream. And then I would start a philanthropy program to help starving kids in war torn countries have softer skin with this stuff too. On the whole, I find the phrase Body Cream to be something my granny would use, BUT! I am addicted to this goo. I swear, its like rubbing butter all over yourself! Its absolutely decadent and makes your skin tingle and I cannot stop rubbing it all over myself. Today already, I have applied and reapplied the stuff no less than three times. And its not even night yet.

Have things gotten strange around here lately? I feel the pang of change settling in, and between stalking my 7th grade crushes and sitting in vats of body cream, I think things can only look up from here.

I have been obsessively listening to Diana Ross and The Supremes this week. That's really all I had to say on the matter, until I did a Google Image Search for The Supremes and discovered that little girls can now be elected as Arch-Bishops in the Catholic Church. There is so much one could say about this photo and its relation to the Catholic Church, but if I discuss at length, the aforementioned dying Christian woman won't give me her ten million Netherlands dollars.

(Currently, the conversion rate has ten million Netherlands dollars equivalent to 12,621,456.18 USD. Bill and Ted say: Excellent!)

And while I'm discussing currency conversion rates... Taco Bell's current promotion is that you could win 100,000 pesos and be El Presidente of Taco Bell. 100,000 pesos is approximately $9. (Restrictions and taxes may apply. El Presidente does not carry any responsibilites or power.) But think of it this way: if you lived in Mexico, $9 would buy you a 153624587423607 tacos from a guy with a donkey wearing a sombrero. Seriously, if I'm El Presidente of Taco Bell, I expect superior customer service and a lifetime supply of free tacos, burritos, and those cinnamon twistys.

HOW CUTE ARE ANIMALS THAT WEAR CLOTHES?
See:

I want to dress like a unicorn. Every single day.

SWU (Single White Unicorn) seeks LTR with a dashing Centaur to frolick and play all day long. Must be handsome and charming. Are you my Centaur? Let's meet and find out.