Last week, I was invited into former Yankee pitcher and author of the controversial book, Ball Four, Jim Bouton's home for a spot of tea. Right now, I bet you are thinking to yourself, "How does that happen to you, Jen, amazing lover of sports and baseball?" (Please see picture for the testament of my love for Ohmerica's 2nd Favorite Past-time (Ohmerica's 1st Favorite Past-time being Freestyle Walking, of course; (please also note that my shirt says Team Mascot and I am standing next to the Team Mascot.)))
I went to the house on business for work; Mr. Bouton's wife is on our Board of Directors (and she's a lovely dancer too), and I was asked to drive to their house and pick up some posters and other brick-a-brack. Now I don't know what kind of house that Brett Favre or any of the other baseball players live in, but Yankee pitchers and their ballroom dancing wives live in houses that could fit five of my parents' house inside. I could sleep in the garage on a ratty old blanket and I'd be living larger than I am in my apartment now. (Photo shown is NOT actual Jim Bouton mansion.)
I parked my car in the driveway and then noticed that these people have TWO FRONT DOORS. Do I choose Door #1 or Door #2? Crap. I didn't realize this adventure would be a choose your own. By the way, go back to page 87.
So I chose door #2 because it was bigger. Logical, right? INCORRECT! Suddenly, a man appears at the other door, but that man was not really a man at all....He was...a dolphin, named JIM BOUTON!
"Come over to this door!" Jim Bouton says.
"Woops! Sorry! Okay!" (I shuffle in my flip flops over to the other front door ten gajillion steps to the left.)
While waiting for his wife to make her appearance with posters and brick-a-brack, he gave me tea and asked me why I was wearing flip-flops when "its so damn cold outside". I told him I made poor shoe choices whilst in New York City the previous weekend. Things we talked about: the weather, New York City, my feet. Things we did not talk about: the Yankees, baseball, his appearance on Larry King Live the night before, his feet.
His wife appeared, handed me the goods, and I was on my way.
The moral of the story: Former Yankees pitchers live in bigger houses than me. Also, this story makes my dad jealous and yet, love me more than he loves you.
THE END.
6 comments:
i dont know...me and your dad shared some love that weekend you moved into Thompson Point, or "Tee Pee" as I call it.
Frank, I seriously thought that my dad loved you more than me after that day.
But now that I am cavorting with MLB pitchers, I am his favorite daughter once again. Yes!
I refer to Thompson Point as "summer camp for the poverty-challenged".
My father is way jealous of you as well.
Jane: Tell your dad if he wants his copy of Ball Four signed, I can make that happen.
Well it looks like I am going to have to break out my swim trunks over my pants and my Hawaiian shirt for the next season finale of Survivor and take back his love.
The hunt is on.
Franky, my dad is getting in touch with inner gay man and his new hotness is that Blowout show about the egotistical hairdresser on Bravo. But he is always down with sports talk.
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