My favorite topics of discussion: Survival tips, Devo, and Sports.

How To Cross a Piranha-Infested River:
1. Do not cross if you have an open wound. Duh.
2. Avoid areas with netted fish, docks where fish are cleaned, and areas around bird rookeries.
3. Stay out of the water when piranhas are feeding. Self-explanatory.
4. Cross the river at night. Nearly every species of piranhas rest at night and when awakened, will swim away rather than attack. Piranhas are most active at dawn.
5. Swim or walk across quickly and quietly.
6. Do not try to make out with this fish.

Next.

Devo.
I got nothing to say about them, or their Dev2.0 project, but today we (meaning me and by extension of reading this, you) celebrate Booji Boy, son of General Boy, both portrayed by one Mr. Mark Mothersbaugh in the late 1970s during live Devo performances. Here is a very informative link: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Booji_Boy.

Booji Boy (Mark Mothersbaugh in a baby head mask) was meant to represent the regression of society and culture. Cheers to you, Booji Boy.

Next.

Sports (Or: I can't play the game, but I can talk the smack.)

This man scares me a little.
To be fair, I chose a picture of him where he looks equal parts crazy and like he's competing in the Special Olympics (Really, there weren't too many photogenic shots to choose from). Perhaps this guy should compete in the Special Olympics, where everybody is a winner and nobody cries. Mr. Guy from the Gonzos: Dude, your 13 year-old boy mustachio is not attractive. And sure, the NCAA Final Four is not about who looks the prettiest playing basketball, but you've got to think about your image a little. You're a good player, my dad says you'll probably play in the NBA someday. You think NBA players make their money from playing basketball? Dirty lies, little man, dirty lies. Its all about selling shoes, soda, and video games. Nobody is going to buy Diet Cherry Vanilla Chocolate Holiday Spice Tab Cola from you with a mustachio like that. So I'm offering you this advice: shave the stache, guy. I was rooting for your team (mostly cause your name reminds me of Gonzo from the Muppets), but nevertheless, I was rooting for you. So things didn't work out, and that's too bad, but you've got big things ahead. Give me a call if you want a good sports agent, I'm offering my personal services.

Oh, and Tom Hanks says:

Quit crying. There's no crying in basketball. Every time you cry like a baby, your man-tears snap the legs of little puppies.