Letting go.

She died angry and holding a grudge- a grudge she held inside her heart for a year. Over something so trivial as a cruise to the Bahamas. Even when she woke from the coma and none of her words made sense, she was still talking about that cruise. The one her sisters didn't invite her to join. The truth is that she has been so sick for so long that she was in denial; denial about her own life and her death. The truth is that she was never going to be well enough to get on that cruise.

I'm wholly convinced that she held out, attempting to ruin their cruise or at the very least postpone it. Which is really funny and a true testament to how much that bitter grudge consumed her. Funny and telling and so isolated in her bitterness.

Information I learned over Christmas break:

1. I inherited horrible acid reflux heartburnings from my dad's side of the family. Its mostly if I don't eat frequently enough (a problem I've had lately). Its killing me- especially considering my eating/sleeping/life schedule has been in upheaval for weeks now.

2. As a child, I was NOT one of those kids who was terrified of Santa. Actually, I loved sitting on Santa's lap. Couldn't get enough mall Santa. This is contrary to my previous belief that I was one of those funny terrified screaming kids. The loving Santa scenario fits into my mother's perfectly painted picture of me as a fearless child. A child not terrified to jump off the high dive at the public pool, a child not terrified of wandering around Disney World looking for Space Mountain alone. I was a fearless kid, apparently.

3. My mom is awesome at Wii bowling. So is my 11th grade English teacher.