Outré lounge.

2009-01-11T21:30:00.001-05:00

My goal for 2009 (I hate calling it a new year's resolution), is to read 50 books. You can follow my progress and read my tiny book reviews here:

http://jenreadsbooks.tumblr.com

Hope you are well and having a super 2009!

xoxo
j

Announcement:

2008-06-05T15:44:00.003-04:00

I will be in the Greater Rockford and Chicago region from 10:00pm tonight (Thursday, June 5th) to 5:00am Saturday, June 14th in the year of our lord two thousand and eight.

That is all.

file away for melancholy days.

2008-04-02T09:54:00.004-04:00

Walking down 8th Street, belly full of noodles and sake, on this warm April night, tiny drops of rain unyieldingly turned into torrential downpour. I realized the umbrella I was shielding us with was useless, we were drenched. Drenched and laughing hysterically, jumping around, taking in the fun of this moment. There was nothing but the overwhelming joy of that moment. I hopped on the subway back to Brooklyn, dripping water like I had just stepped out of the shower. I am open to the possibility that this was my spring awakening, as it were, in the most literal sense possible. (You know, not adolescent spring awakening, not spring awakening the musical, but simply, my burst of joy after what has been a very tough and long winter.)

Nostalgic for the present.

On a somewhat related non-sequiter (oxymoron, right?):
Lou Reed sat several seats away from me at the latest strange Richard Foreman performance [art] last week. I can attest that Lou Reed, does in fact, look like an old lesbian, even if he makes good music.

2008-03-28T10:05:00.000-04:00

Are you in New York City?

2008-03-20T09:36:00.001-04:00

Then bring a pillow.

“THE PLAN: Meet up this Saturday, March 22 (wear a Neo-Futurist T-Shirt if you have one, and bring a soft pillow) at the cube in astor place at 2:30. We’ll march over as a Non-Illusory Pillow Fighting Machine to union square. Pillow Fight starts at 3 there.This is part of World Pillow Fight Day. We don’t know if there are winners, but either way, let’s win this thing!”

Who the hell are the Neo-Futurists? They put on Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind.

2008-02-27T12:14:00.001-05:00

http://starsinjenseyes.tumblr.com/

Letting go.

2008-02-25T23:54:00.002-05:00

She died angry and holding a grudge- a grudge she held inside her heart for a year. Over something so trivial as a cruise to the Bahamas. Even when she woke from the coma and none of her words made sense, she was still talking about that cruise. The one her sisters didn't invite her to join. The truth is that she has been so sick for so long that she was in denial; denial about her own life and her death. The truth is that she was never going to be well enough to get on that cruise.

I'm wholly convinced that she held out, attempting to ruin their cruise or at the very least postpone it. Which is really funny and a true testament to how much that bitter grudge consumed her. Funny and telling and so isolated in her bitterness.

Airing my grievances about Paypal.

2008-02-08T13:11:00.001-05:00

I get that Paypal is the wave of the future or something. It allows me, as an individual to sell my wares online to other people in a secure setting (supposedly).

Paypal has every known addressed I have ever lived at in the past five years. Places I don't even remember living. They've got credit cards on file for bank accounts I closed in 2003. And I can't delete any of them! Does that make any sense? NO.

Furthermore, they keep giving me an error message that says my credit card was rejected because of my credit card company. So I tried a different card and got the same message. Frankly, I was too lazy to call my credit card company and ask them WTF? until today after I had made no advances in purchasing ONE cd that is only available via Paypal.

I finally bothered to call my credit card company today, only to find out that all of the charges had gone through. Yippee! That means I'll have four shiny copies of the same CD.

Also, holy crap, why can't I remember my Paypal password? (my own doing, not Paypal's)

I take pictures with other people's animals.

2008-02-07T17:33:00.000-05:00

Alternately: My sister's dog is a mad scientist.

Alternately: My sister's dog is Michael J. Fox in Teenwolf.

Tactile reminders from the distant present.

2008-02-07T17:15:00.001-05:00

My granny's car smells strongly of cake and icing.

Dear Midwest,

2008-02-05T17:41:00.000-05:00

Please stop snowing. It is depressing me endlessly. This is enough to make me move to Florida for the winter just like the old people.

xoxo,
Jen

definitely/indefinitely

2008-02-03T23:16:00.000-05:00

I've been in Illinois for a week+. I'll be here at least another week. I've been at the hospital since Friday afternoon waiting this out. I'm feeling enormously drained. Life is heart achingly grown up these days.

New York Mass Transit

2008-01-25T10:12:00.000-05:00

I'm going to pause here and say: this is about New York, its complex and fascinating (dirty) subway system. If these things do not concern you, my apologies.

A few months ago, the opening story on This American Life was a man talking about committing a cardinal sin: he moved from New York to Chicago or vice versa. Probably from New York to Chicago because New Yorkers can't fathom living anywhere else in the world, least of all Chicago where they have sub-standard pizza and you have to take the bus. You may as well just move to Connecticut! Anyhow- everything the guy said was true, New Yorkers want to tell you how much they like New York and how much you should love New York, and most of all New Yorkers talk about the subway. Here's a SAT prep test question:

Everyone else:weather :: New Yorkers:subway

Oops. Gave the answer away. In any case, people here DO talk about the subway a lot. I am talking about it right now!

All of the subway lines pass through Manhattan except for the G train. Lo, the G train which runs between Brooklyn and Queens.

I know people who deny the existence of the G train. It is a mysterious train. It never runs properly on the weekends. You might wait up to an hour at 3 in the morning on a Saturday (you have a better chance of finding a unicorn to fly you home). The G train is an enigma.

But, despite all the elusiveness of the G train, I still have a soft spot for it. Maybe because it can take me to Greenpoint. A place I find painfully ugly, yet adorable with all of its little old Polish people hobbling around. I can't believe I missed the news that the G train is expanding and to my great benefit:

Yay! Most of you probably have no idea what this means, so let me share with you: IT MEANS THAT I CAN WALK TO A G TRAIN STOP! FROM MY HOUSE!

Truthfully though, I don't know how often I will take the G train. I spend most of my time walking in my own neighborhood or taking a train that actually goes to Manhattan. I AM VERY EXCITED ANYWAYS! And you should be excited with me!

I enjoy being a girl!

2008-01-20T18:14:00.000-05:00

Hey, remember how I said I hoped that January would be calm? Well, it hasn't been; its been stressful, what with all the Nintendo Wii playing, working, working, and Wii playing (side note: I look utterly spastic playing Tony Hawk). All this stress has been the reason for my absence, dear friends. I didn't want to project my thoroughly uninteresting stress onto you.

But my friends- I have a pop quiz for you:

In this photo, I am:

a. Dead in the morgue
b. Weird
c. Putting myself through a ridiculous process for the sake of beauty
d. What the hell?

The answer is: getting my eyelashes dyed. So if you answered b, c, or d- you're right! Essentially what happened was: my sister slathered a 2 inch thick layer of vaseline under my eyes. Then she put paper over the vaseline, but under my eyelashes. Then she sloshed black dye all over them. Hold still for ten minutes, lest you get dye under your eyelids and endure a pain in your eyeballs that is comparable to having tiny balls of fire for eyes. Wipe off and you're good to go!

My first question about this whole process was: WHY?!?! And the answer to that is this: I don't have to wear mascara for the next 4-6 weeks. Right on! That saves me an entire 1 minute every day when I'm getting ready in the bathroom! That's a minimum of 30 minutes saved in a month! Yeah!

Cons: Stinging eyeballs for 10 minutes. Looking drag queeny for the first 2-3 days.
Pros: No mascara (itchy eyeballs)! Funny pictures.

And here's one more photo because hey, these things are wackadoo!

That's my sister who kindly obliged when I asked her to take a photo of me. She was the first to point out, "You look dead." Also, I'm certain that is the worst possible angle from which to photograph a person.

The final product looks like this:

My eyelashes, not the see-food in my mouth.

Information I learned over Christmas break:

2008-01-08T01:50:00.001-05:00

1. I inherited horrible acid reflux heartburnings from my dad's side of the family. Its mostly if I don't eat frequently enough (a problem I've had lately). Its killing me- especially considering my eating/sleeping/life schedule has been in upheaval for weeks now.

2. As a child, I was NOT one of those kids who was terrified of Santa. Actually, I loved sitting on Santa's lap. Couldn't get enough mall Santa. This is contrary to my previous belief that I was one of those funny terrified screaming kids. The loving Santa scenario fits into my mother's perfectly painted picture of me as a fearless child. A child not terrified to jump off the high dive at the public pool, a child not terrified of wandering around Disney World looking for Space Mountain alone. I was a fearless kid, apparently.

3. My mom is awesome at Wii bowling. So is my 11th grade English teacher.

2007: Year of the Pugicorn (with surprise bonus ending)!

2008-01-04T16:20:00.000-05:00

So hey. I was going to a picture retrospective of my hair in 2007. Which is pretty ridiculous no matter how you slice it. But then I got that really bad haircut in October and so there's really no pictures to show from October - December. So how about a photo retrospective of my hair from January 2007 - October 2007? Sounds good. Okay then. On with the show:

January:

February:

March:

I realize this photo does not show my hair. But it is a hilariously accurate depiction of my working friendship with my coworker, Eric, so it stays.

April:

May:

I know this is sideways. I prefer it that way.

June:

July:

August - September:

October - December:

Congrats! You made it this far! This is the funniest picture from 2007: y/y?

Catalogue of the Christmas haul (for archival purposes).

2007-12-28T16:52:00.000-05:00

+ Wiiiiiiiiii, accessories, games, etc. (Wii sports is going to make me the most in shape girl which fits nicely into my 2oo8 plans.)

+Octopus necklace

+Crockpot

+Sheets! Blankets! Pajamas!

+Serious Cutting Kitchen Knife.

+Books!

+Homemade canned garlicky pickles & beans (Bloody Marys ho!)

AND. My dad and I went to see Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story which was funny but ridic (which I am totally fine with). It was nice to hang out with my dad solo- it is not something that happens too often anymore (and didn't happen often enough when I lived nearby). 2oo7 has been an amazing year for me + Dad. I am lucky.

Fun fact: I have eaten Beef-A-Roo thrice (3!) this week and it has been nothing short of joygasmic in my mouth. Deluxe Veggie Club combo and Seared Tuna Sandwich combo, thank you. Thank you.

I have never been so sore in all my days. Wii Sports has left me hobbling around this week, but I keep going back for more. Love.the.pain. Bring it.

I'm really glad for all that I did and accomplished in 2oo7. I became a published author! And moved to New York City. Traveling. Rocking out. I am glad for all my new friends and all my old ones.

And now onto 2oo8. I closed my eyes and envisioned the year that lay ahead. And it excites me. Wherever you are out there, I am hoping that 2oo8 excites you, invigorates you, brings you love and passion.

Waiting patiently, stranded in your sea.

2007-12-25T00:38:00.000-05:00

We're always waiting. We're always questioning. I can speak to you without words from a world away. This is not a hallucination; this is as real as ever. I miss you. A phone call, a letter, an email- thoroughly unwarranted because you already know the thoughts in my head, the scraps of sticky emotion glued to the walls of my heart.

I couldn't have loved you more.

Clouds in my coffee.

2007-12-24T02:49:00.000-05:00

Hello from Illinois!

Due to concentrated amounts of caffeine, moonbeams, and serious lifestyle commitments, I am all about all-night rendezvous(es) lately. There is so much to fit into a single day; I am inhaling every moment. Its like that Aerosmith song or something.

So I am home in Illinois and it is effing cold out. Being here has turned me inward, introspectively speaking. I am focusing and re-focusing my gaze, looking for clarity. Trying to understand which battles to fight. Which battles are worth fighting. No clear answers yet. I should tell you, I should tell you...

Pieces of this life have come full circle. Other parts have grown ever so distant. Is it possible for these two to occur simultaneously?

Truthfully: I don't feel I can be as honest in this space as I want to be (in this little corner of my internet). That is the most truthful statement in this post.

Reflective of 2oo7: quiet New Years (barely a whisper), Colorado, sold my car, NYC, work from home, TexasFloridaIllinoisMinnesotaWisconsinPennsylvaniaNewJerseyDelawareMarylandDCConnecticutMassachusettsKansasOhioWashingtonNorthCarolinaSouthCarolinaFrance!, too much, not enough. Nothing new, everything different.

2oo8: Do not move across the country. Wear earplugs. Japan. Eradicating complacency. Vomit on each form of mass transit in the MTA system. Don't get knocked up. Write you a letter that tells the truth. Maintain Zen-like state. More, more, more.

2007-12-17T18:18:00.000-05:00

We're just getting started; this is merely the beginning.

I know its cliche, but I hate the winter.

Myspace: Not just for the emos.

2007-12-12T13:54:00.000-05:00

You guys. I have laughed and mocked all these Fox News reports recently warning parents about "emos" and "Myspace". But I find this to be staggeringly heartbreaking: http://stcharlesjournal.stltoday.com/articles/2007/11/24/news/sj2tn20071110-1111stc_pokin_1.ii1.txt

As a kid who had a pretty depressing time in junior high at the hands of cruel peers, it is utterly nauseating to me to think that adults-parents- could be so careless, so cruel, so maniacal. Apparently, this story has received a lot of press lately. What do you think, Internet?

Here's the full article:
POKIN AROUND: A real person, a real death

By Steve Pokin
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 2:55 PM CST

Tina and Ron Meier look up at the mausoleum gravesite of their daughter Megan, who would have been 15 on Nov. 6.

His name was Josh Evans. He was 16 years old. And he was hot.

"Mom! Mom! Mom! Look at him!" Tina Meier recalls her daughter saying.

Josh had contacted Megan Meier through her MySpace page and wanted to be added as a friend.Yes, he's cute, Tina Meier told her daughter. "Do you know who he is?"

"No, but look at him! He's hot! Please, please, can I add him?"

Mom said yes. And for six weeks Megan and Josh - under Tina's watchful eye - became acquainted in the virtual world of MySpace.

Josh said he was born in Florida and recently had moved to O'Fallon. He was homeschooled. He played the guitar and drums.

He was from a broken home: "when i was 7 my dad left me and my mom and my older brother and my newborn brother 3 boys god i know poor mom yeah she had such a hard time when we were younger finding work to pay for us after he loeft."

As for 13-year-old Megan, of Dardenne Prairie, this is how she expressed who she was:

M is for Modern

E is for Enthusiastic

G is for Goofy

A is for Alluring

N is for Neglected.

She loved swimming, boating, fishing, dogs, rap music and boys. But her life had not always been easy, her mother says.

She was heavy and for years had tried to lose weight. She had attention deficit disorder and battled depression. Back in third grade she had talked about suicide, Tina says, and ever since had seen a therapist.

But things were going exceptionally well. She had shed 20 pounds, getting down to 175. She was 5 foot 5½ inches tall.

She had just started eighth grade at a new school, Immaculate Conception, in Dardenne Prairie, where she was on the volleyball team. She had attended Fort Zumwalt public schools before that.

Amid all these positives, Tina says, her daughter decided to end a friendship with a girlfriend who lived down the street from them. The girls had spent much of seventh grade alternating between being friends and, the next day, not being friends, Tina says.

Part of the reason for Megan's rosy outlook was Josh, Tina says. After school, Megan would rush to the computer.

"Megan had a lifelong struggle with weight and self-esteem," Tina says. "And now she finally had a boy who she thought really thought she was pretty."

It did seem odd, Tina says, that Josh never asked for Megan's phone number. And when Megan asked for his, she says, Josh said he didn't have a cell and his mother did not yet have a landline.

And then on Sunday, Oct. 15, 2006, Megan received a puzzling and disturbing message from Josh. Tina recalls that it said: "I don't know if I want to be friends with you anymore because I've heard that you are not very nice to your friends."

Frantic, Megan shot back: "What are you talking about?"

SHADOWY CYBERSPACE

Tina Meier was wary of the cyber-world of MySpace and its 70 million users. People are not always who they say they are.

Tina knew firsthand. Megan and the girl down the block, the former friend, once had created a fake MySpace account, using the photo of a good-looking girl as a way to talk to boys online, Tina says. When Tina found out, she ended Megan's access.

MySpace has rules. A lot of them. There are nine pages of terms and conditions. The long list of prohibited content includes sexual material. And users must be at least 14.

"Are you joking?" Tina asks. "There are fifth-grade girls who have MySpace accounts."

As for sexual content, Tina says, most parents have no clue how much there is. And Megan wasn't 14 when she opened her account. To join, you are asked your age but there is no check. The accounts are free.

As Megan's 14th birthday approached, she pleaded for her mom to give her another chance on MySpace, and Tina relented.

She told Megan she would be all over this account, monitoring it. Megan didn't always make good choices because of her ADD, Tina says. And this time, Megan's page would be set to private and only Mom and Dad would have the password.

'GOD-AWFUL FEELING'

Monday, Oct. 16, 2006, was a rainy, bleak day. At school, Megan had handed out invitations to her upcoming birthday party and when she got home she asked her mother to log on to MySpace to see if Josh had responded.

Why did he suddenly think she was mean? Who had he been talking to?

Tina signed on. But she was in a hurry. She had to take her younger daughter, Allison, to the orthodontist.

Before Tina could get out the door it was clear Megan was upset. Josh still was sending troubling messages. And he apparently had shared some of Megan's messages with others.

Tina recalled telling Megan to sign off.

"I will Mom," Megan said. "Let me finish up."

Tina was pressed for time. She had to go. But once at the orthodontist's office she called Megan: Did you sign off?

"No, Mom. They are all being so mean to me."

"You are not listening to me, Megan! Sign off, now!"

Fifteen minutes later, Megan called her mother. By now Megan was in tears.

"They are posting bulletins about me." A bulletin is like a survey. "Megan Meier is a slut. Megan Meier is fat."

Megan was sobbing hysterically. Tina was furious that she had not signed off.

Once Tina returned home she rushed into the basement where the computer was. Tina was shocked at the vulgar language her daughter was firing back at people.

"I am so aggravated at you for doing this!" she told Megan.

Megan ran from the computer and left, but not without first telling Tina, "You're supposed to be my mom! You're supposed to be on my side!"

On the stairway leading to her second-story bedroom, Megan ran into her father, Ron.

"I grabbed her as she tried to go by," Ron says. "She told me that some kids were saying horrible stuff about her and she didn't understand why. I told her it's OK. I told her that they obviously don't know her. And that it would be fine."

Megan went to her room and Ron went downstairs to the kitchen, where he and Tina talked about what had happened, the MySpace account, and made dinner.

Twenty minutes later, Tina suddenly froze in mid-sentence.

"I had this God-awful feeling and I ran up into her room and she had hung herself in the closet."

Megan Taylor Meier died the next day, three weeks before her 14th birthday.

Later that day, Ron opened his daughter's MySpace account and viewed what he believes to be the final message Megan saw - one the FBI would be unable to retrieve from the hard drive.

It was from Josh and, according to Ron's best recollection, it said, "Everybody in O'Fallon knows how you are. You are a bad person and everybody hates you. Have a shitty rest of your life. The world would be a better place without you."

BEYOND GRIEF INTO FURY

Tina and Ron saw a grief counselor. Tina went to a couple of Parents After Loss of Suicide meetings, as well.

They tried to message Josh Evans, to let him know the deadly power of mean words. But his MySpace account had been deleted.

The day after Megan's death, they went down the street to comfort the family of the girl who had once been Megan's friend. They let the girl and her family know that although she and Megan had their ups and down, Megan valued her friendship.

They also attended the girl's birthday party, although Ron had to leave when it came time to sing "Happy Birthday." The Meiers went to the father's 50th birthday celebration. In addition, the Meiers stored a foosball table, a Christmas gift, for that family.

Six weeks after Megan died, on a Saturday morning, a neighbor down the street, a different neighbor, one they didn't know well, called and insisted that they meet that morning at a counselor's office in northern O'Fallon.

The woman would not provide details. Ron and Tina went. Their grief counselor was there. As well as a counselor from Fort Zumwalt West Middle School.

The neighbor from down the street, a single mom with a daughter the same age as Megan, informed the Meiers that Josh Evans never existed.

She told the Meiers that Josh Evans was created by adults, a family on their block. These adults, she told the Meiers, were the parents of Megan's former girlfriend, the one with whom she had a falling out. These were the people who'd asked the Meiers to store their foosball table.

The single mother, for this story, requested that her name not be used. She said her daughter, who had carpooled with the family that was involved in creating the phony MySpace account, had the password to the Josh Evans account and had sent one message - the one Megan received (and later retrieved off the hard drive) the night before she took her life.

"She had been encouraged to join in the joke," the single mother said.

The single mother said her daughter feels the guilt of not saying something sooner and for writing that message. Her daughter didn't speak out sooner because she'd known the other family for years and thought that what they were doing must be OK because, after all, they were trusted adults.

On the night the ambulance came for Megan, the single mother said, before it left the Meiers' house her daughter received a call. It was the woman behind the creation of the Josh Evans account. She had called to tell the girl that something had happened to Megan and advised the girl not to mention the MySpace account.

AX AND SLEDGEHAMMER

The Meiers went home and tore into the foosball table.

Tina used an ax and Ron a sledgehammer. They put the pieces in Ron's pickup and dumped them in their neighbor's driveway. Tina spray painted "Merry Christmas" on the box.

According to Tina, Megan had gone on vacations with this family. They knew how she struggled with depression, that she took medication.

"I know that they did not physically come up to our house and tie a belt around her neck," Tina says. "But when adults are involved and continue to screw with a 13-year-old - with or without mental problems - it is absolutely vile.

"She wanted to get Megan to feel like she was liked by a boy and let everyone know this was a false MySpace and have everyone laugh at her.

"I don't feel their intentions were for her to kill herself. But that's how it ended."

'GAINING MEGAN'S CONFIDENCE'

That same day, the family down the street tried to talk to the Meiers. Ron asked friends to convince them to leave before he physically harmed them.

In a letter dated Nov. 30, 2006, the family tells Ron and Tina, "We are sorry for the extreme pain you are going through and can only imagine how difficult it must be. We have every compassion for you and your family."

The Suburban Journals have decided not to name the family out of consideration for their teenage daughter.

The mother declined comment.

"I have been advised not to give out any information and I apologize for that," she says. "I would love to sit here and talk to you about it but I can't."

She was informed that without her direct comment the newspaper would rely heavily on the police report she filed with the St. Charles County Sheriff's Department regarding the destroyed foosball table.

"I will tell you that the police report is totally wrong," the mother said. "We have worked on getting that changed. I would just be very careful about what you write."

Lt. Craig McGuire, spokesman for the sheriff's department, said he is unaware of anyone contacting the department to alter the report.

"We stand behind the report as written," McGuire says. "There was no supplement to it. What is in the report is what we believe she told us."

The police report - without using the mother's name - states:

"(She) stated in the months leading up Meier's daughter's suicide, she instigated and monitored a 'my space' account which was created for the sole purpose of communicating with Meier's daughter.

"(She) said she, with the help of temporary employee named ------ constructed a profile of 'good looking' male on 'my space' in order to 'find out what Megan (Meier's daughter) was saying on-line' about her daughter. (She) explained the communication between the fake male profile and Megan was aimed at gaining Megan's confidence and finding out what Megan felt about her daughter and other people.

"(She) stated she, her daughter and (the temporary employee) all typed, read and monitored the communication between the fake male profile and Megan ..

"According to (her) 'somehow' other 'my space' users were able to access the fake male profile and Megan found out she had been duped. (She) stated she knew 'arguments' had broken out between Megan and others on 'my space.' (She) felt this incident contributed to Megan's suicide, but she did not feel 'as guilty' because at the funeral she found out 'Megan had tried to commit suicide before.'"

Tina says her daughter died thinking Josh was real and that she never before attempted suicide.

"She was the happiest she had ever been in her life," Ron says.

After years of wearing braces, Megan was scheduled to have them removed the day she died. And she was looking forward to her birthday party.

"She and her mom went shopping and bought a new dress," Ron says. "She wanted to make this grand entrance with me carrying her down the stairs. I never got to see her in that dress until the funeral."

NO CRIMINAL CHARGES

It does not appear that there will be criminal charges filed in connection with Megan's death.

"We did not have a charge to fit it," McGuire says. "I don't know that anybody can sit down and say, 'This is why this young girl took her life.'"

The Meiers say the matter also was investigated by the FBI, which analyzed the family computer and conducted interviews. Ron said a stumbling block is that the FBI was unable to retrieve the electronic messages from Megan's final day, including that final message that only Ron saw.

The Meiers do not plan to file a civil lawsuit. Here's what they want: They want the law changed, state or federal, so that what happened to Megan - at the hands of an adult - is a crime.

THE AFTERMATH IS PAIN

The Meiers are divorcing. Ron says Tina was as vigilant as a parent could be in monitoring Megan on MySpace. Yet she blames herself.

"I have this awful, horrible guilt and this I can never change," she said. "Ever."

Ron struggles daily with the loss of a daughter who, no matter how low she felt, tried to make others laugh and feel a little bit better.

He has difficulty maintaining focus and has kept his job as a tool and die maker through the grace and understanding of his employer, he says. His emotions remain jagged, on edge.

Christine Buckles lives in the same Waterford Crossing subdivision. In her view, everyone in the subdivision knows of Megan's death, but few know of the other family's involvement.

Tina says she and Ron have dissuaded angry friends and family members from vandalizing the other home for one, and only one, reason.

"The police will think we did it," Tina says.

Ron faces a misdemeanor charge of property damage. He is accused of driving his truck across the lawn of the family down the street, doing $1,000 in damage, in March. A security camera the neighbors installed on their home allegedly caught him.

It was Tina, a real estate agent, who helped the other family purchase their home on the same block 2½ years ago.

"I just wish they would go away, move," Ron says.

Vicki Dunn, Tina's aunt, last month placed signs in and near the neighborhood on the anniversary of Megan's death.

They read: "Justice for Megan Meier," "Call the St. Charles County Prosecuting Attorney," and "MySpace Impersonator in Your Neighborhood."

On the window outside Megan's room is an ornamental angel that Ron turns on almost every night. Inside are pictures of boys, posters of Usher, Beyonce and on the dresser a tube of instant bronzer.

"She was all about getting a tan," Ron says.

He has placed the doors back on the closet. Megan had them off.

If only she had waited, talked to someone, or just made it to dinner, then through the evening, and then on to the beginning of a new day in what could have been a remarkable life.

If she had, he says, there is no doubt she would have chosen to live. Instead, there is so much pain.

"She never would have wanted to see her parents divorce," Ron says.

Ultimately, it was Megan's choice to do what she did, he says. "But it was like someone handed her a loaded gun."

Notes from a weekend.

2007-12-10T09:45:00.000-05:00

Amy Sedaris said she liked my owl necklace and wanted to steal it. Her gay mafia communicated this to me. Do not speak directly to the Amy Sedaris.

This was a weekend of terrible customer service. A weekend of Polish diners, subtly themed emo bars, and outrageously themed Southern restaurants. A weekend of starting dance parties in 24 hour diners in Alphabet City.

Staying out until 5 am, only to marvel at the Christmas decorations on the walk home from the subway. These nights make me feel like a nouveau Holly Golightly. Avoiding awkward encounters with boys at bars simultaneously while flirting with the hipster bartender; wandering into your friends at the diner at 3 am and promising you're not drunk but that you're just here to dance!

Apartment number three smells strongly of cooked eggs.

I-D-K! my B-F-F, Jill.

2007-12-07T15:27:00.000-05:00

You guys! I've been half-heartedly attempting to post for the past month about my experience seeing the Broadway (jazz hands!) musical, Spring Awakening. But I've been struggling to accurately explain how ridiculous, uncomfortable, and BAD this musical was. I was also informed that no one ever says truly scathing remarks about Broadway because there is an underlying knowledge that because it is a for-profit, mainstream "art" it will inherently suck. Which is probably true. But if we're being fair, I've seen enough low budget definitely not-profiting art that blows too.

A couple weeks ago, I became OBSESSED with finding others on the internet who loathed Spring Awakening as much as I did. And there's about 2 people in the universe that are willing to say it on the internet (and I'm one of them). There are about 9375203958 Rent fanatics that are willing to bash Spring Awakening as part of their effort to hold Rent up on high. The two are apples and oranges, really, so it seems unfair, but for the sake of feeling part of a larger movement, I'll take those snobby Rent-heads as being on my side on this one. I like Rent, but I don't like Rent because its better than Spring Awakening.

I hope this comes up in Google searches: Spring Awakening sucks.

Enough about that.

I've been overloaded by music lately. Here's what I've been listening to:
Justice - Cross (electrono dance fun)
Candie Payne - I Wish I Could Have Loved You More (noveau Dusty-esque 60s pop)
DJ Vinroc - No idear of the name of this album. Its weird as all get out.
Japanther - Stuffed Up My Huffy (Brooklyn noise-rock-pop goodness.)

Since October I've been saying I can't wait for it to be January and for everything to calm down, but I may have spoken too early when I thought that January would be calm. Because it will be a busy month indeed! I hope by admitting this, the gods of busy schedules will take some pity on me.

Also: hooray on being 97% finished with holiday shopping! hooray for the Bust Craftacular tomorrow! hooray for NYC! (this city only gets better and better.) I bought myself this for Christmas and am upgrading the memory to 4gb (for work purposes, so not really a present at all!)

And hey, is your life complete without having seen this? I think not!

!!!

2007-11-19T10:31:00.000-05:00

I owe a million thanks to everyone who sent birthday wishes my way! I had an awesome day playing at the Ripley's Believe It Or Not in Times Square, watching Broadway stagehands picket outside the Lion King, and went to some crazy performance art in the East Village (more on that later because suffice to say, I have seen some really *weird* art before, but this is filed under WTF?).

Actually, let's talk about the performance art right now.

In the center ring, we have Brooklyn, noise-rock, experimental, whatever whatever band, Japanther. To your right, old man spoken word artist. To your left, a low budget, animatronic dinosaur. And dancing all around, two girls outfitted in your favorite American Apparel ensembles. Now throw it all together. My understanding was that this was supposed to be a "rock opera" about the death of the animatronic dinosaur and then in death, he questions his understanding of all his philosophies about life. Yeaaahhhhhhh. In a really weird way, I enjoyed it, even if I didn't quite get it. Japanther make some great songs, so there's that.

It was a fun birthday. Thanks friends!

Blog for a Tuesday.

2007-11-02T16:41:00.000-04:00

Brad tagged me to do this blog thing. And you know what? I'm just gonna do it. No one has ever tagged me for one of these things before! I'm an e-loser.

15 weird traits, habits, idiosyncracies you didn't know about Jen:

1. I have broken or jammed my finger 10 times- all happened in the span of 7th - 10th grade. Consequently, I have arthritic tendancies during the winter or when my hands get cold.

2. I can play the ukelele.

3. I was a national dance championship in the 7th grade. It was for a ballet routine to the song "People" by Barbara Streisand.

4. I drink iced coffee in the summer and hot tea in the cold months.

5. I poop at the same time every day: 10:30am. I have pooped at this time every day since 2002 when I became a vegetarian. I'm not a vegetarian anymore, but I still poop at the same time every day.

6. I have some mild hearing loss from years of attending punk, ska, and indie shows (LOUD) without earplugs in my younger years. Shame on me! If you are facing away from me, I have trouble hearing what you're saying clearly. I can hear that you've said something, but I'm not always sure what. If I ask you "What?" its because I didn't hear you, not because I wasn't listening. Wear your earplugs at rock & roll shows!

7. I collect smashed pennies. You know those machines where you put 2 quarters and a penny and then turn the crank and it smashes a design into your penny? Yes, those. I collect them. I keep one in the zip pouch of my Kangaroo sneakers though I rotate which penny it is.

8. I have never done my own taxes, but I will have to do them for the first time ever this year. I am very scared about it.

9. I do NOT get nervous speaking in front of people. I never have. However, I get downright terrified auditioning for plays and talking on the phone.

10. I have led a webinar/teleconference in my underpants. Twice.

11. In high school, I convinced everyone my middle name was Pizzazz. At graduation when they announced my real middle name, most people were confused. I have often considered changing my middle name to Pizzazz ever since. Actually, if I could change my name to anything it would be: Jenny Pizzazz Marvel.

12. Adam asked me if I knew who the Fabulous Moolah was. Embarassingly, I told him, "She's that lady wrestler from the 1970s." I know this because I watched WWF wrestling religiously as a kid.

13. I was the captain of my high school golf team. Oddly, I was also the worst player. My assistant coach (a middle aged lesbian named Dolly with spiky gray hair and an unnatural obsession with Xena, Warrior Princess) almost kicked me off the team and gave me this sound advice (which I didn't take to heart since I had no intention of doing either): "They give more college scholarships for golf than they do for theater!"

14. I took Donovan shopping at K-Mart for black pants once. We bought a pair of black pants in the ladies section.

15. I watched the movie Josie & The Pussycats at least once (sometimes 2 or 3 times) a day my entire sophomore year of college. I can and still quote lines from that movie.

I'm not going to tag anyone. If you want to do it, then do it!

Things I <3 (this week):

2007-11-02T11:06:00.000-04:00

1. Music with woah-oh-ohs
2. My music collection from the late 90s/early 2000s (hello Pedro the Lion!)
3. Veronica Mars, girl detective supreme. I'm sad this show was cancelled. Although the third season has gotten a little O.C. for me, its still a smart show.
4. Drooling over 24" iMacs.
5. These fun wallpapers at Nama Rococo. That Sixty-Eight in Mellow Orange! (of course, orange is my obsession these days)
6. Friends visiting. Living in New York City.
7. My bedroom.
8. Apple cider.
9. Nina & Finland

Finally, Klosterman!

2007-10-30T17:49:00.000-04:00

"Here is what I know about Harry Potter: nothing.

I haven't read any of the books about him, nor have I seen any of the movies. I know the novels were written by a rich middle-aged British woman named J.K Rowling with semi-lush hair, but I have no idea what the letters J and K represent. I don't know the name of the actor who portrays Harry Potter, although I think he has eyeglasses. I don't know the names of any minor characters and I don't know the narrative arc of the plot. I don't know where the stories take place or if they are set in the past or the future. Somebody at a steakhouse recently told me that Harry Potter doesn't die at the conclusion of the seventh book (and that this detail was important), but I wasn't even aware he was sick. I assume there are dragons and griffins and werewolves and homosexual Frankensteins throughout these novels, but I honestly don't give a shit if my assumption is true or false. In fact, if somebody told me that the final Harry Potter novel was a coded interpretation of the Koran that instructed its readers how to read my thoughts, I could only respond by saying, "Well, maybe so." For whatever reason, this is one phenomenon that I have missed completely (and mostly, I suppose, on purpose).

Now, do not take this to mean that I dislike these books. I do not ... in fact, I suspect they're quite good. Moreover, I find it astounding that the unifying cultural currency for modern teenagers are five-hundred page literary works about a wizard. We are all collectively underestimating how unusual this is ... [but] I have no interest in any of it."

-from "Death by Harry Potter," by Chuck Klosterman, Esquire, November 2007

He's right, you know. We're all underestimating how truly unusual it is that 700 page books have unified a global culture.

Signs I may not be coping so well.

2007-10-26T17:08:00.000-04:00

One of my least favorite things about myself is my incomprehensible ability to completely switch from a happy go lucky mood to downright drained and stormy cloud. This is exponentially worse when it happens on Friday afternoons. Friday afternoons are for happy times and planning fun weekends, if I am not mistaken.

I have been listening to the Darjeeling Limited soundtrack all day today. Have you seen this film? I thought it was lovely. Here is my ranking of Wes Anderson films from most loved to not loved as much:
1. Rushmore
2. Royal Tennenbaums
3. Bottle Rocket
4. Darjeeling Limited
5. Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

That makes it seem like I didn't like it, but I did. Although the symbolism was a bit oversimplified, i really enjoyed it.

And finally, here is a picture of the two cats that live in my house:

Napkin, on the left, is wearing her unfinished Halloween costume. Ball, on the right, is being awkward for Halloween (shown here in costume).

In the depths of winter, I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer. -Albert Camus

2007-10-13T13:34:00.000-04:00

On Radiohead's new album:
Swirling love, treacherous love, knock me on the ground love. Its Radiohead, so its certainly not love in any conventional terms. 'Videotape' is sublimely heart wrenching.

On Napkin, my cat:
After two years and a move to our new home, Napkin has decided that she wants to be a snuggly cat after all. She's always been the cat that chills next to the action, but now she's my best coworker.

Everything else:
I was made for the fall. Also, due to a horrific haircut this week, I will be wearing a hat or headscarf for the next four months. Does anyone have any haircut horror stories? Share them please.

My recommendations for things to do in New York City:
1. Broadway show
2. Dinner at the Rainbow Grill
3. Staten Island Ferry
4. See a rock show at Irving Plaza
5. Hang out in Washington Square Park
6. Empire State Building
7. Greenwood Cemetary in Brooklyn
8. St. John the Divine cathedral
9. UCB Theater

Also this:

Over.whelmed.

2007-10-04T15:25:00.000-04:00

Dear Internet. I'm really sorry for absence lately. The truth is that I am full. Filled with creative endeavors, professional endeavors, professional creative endeavors. You know Internet, without really trying, my days have been filled from the tippy top to the bitty bottom. Something you may not understand, Internet, as an omnipresent entity, is that moving is the pits. Its picking your stuff up and putting it back down again. Its bending and lifting and sweating. But it feels really good in the end. I'm starting to settle and I feel like I found the best apartment in NYC! Right now, I can see kids playing at the park at the school across the street- from my office!

Moving has kickstarted my crafty mind again. I have big plans for the new coffee table. Big, decoupaged plans. Every corner holds new potential. I'm wiping the dust off my sewing machine and getting apartment number three (the penthouse suite) looking spectacular.

I've started thinking about my Halloween costume for this year and I've narrowed it down to two possibilities. It will involved a little crafty work, and I'm excited about costume parties this year. (maybe)

Every minute of every day is allotted for some task, project, idea. Its nice to stay up late and wake up late. And working in your unmentionables sure has its perks. Honestly Internet, I'm really excited by all these projects swirling around, so loaded with potential.

October is bringing many visitors to me here in New York. I'm really excited to share and show New York to my family, my friends. I love New York and I love sharing it with awesome people.

Otherwise, my time is spent passively spreading my smell all over this new apartment. Lighting lilac candles and blowing tiny tendrils of incense through every room to make sure there is no doubt. That apartment number three is pure with our four bodied-12 legged family smell. Yesssssss.

Internet, what is your favorite color? Mine, undoubtedly right now, is ORANGE.

The abbreviated version.

2007-09-13T16:00:00.000-04:00

Life has jumped back into full swing mode lately, but in the best way imagineable.

Abridged:
& Moving! I found a sweet little apartment three blocks north of our current abode. The new place is so great and is owned by this nice lady who speaks Spanish, but will let us paint however we'd like. It also has ceiling fans and a separate office for me, which is better than anything I could have dreamed of when I started this battle. Have you ever been apartment hunting in New York? Its miserable and everything about getting this apartment was incredibly atypical of that process.

I have thoughtfully decided on the colors for my bedroom and the kitchen, but still undecided as to whether to paint the living room right now. My soon to be bedroom is a poop brown color right now, so I'm glad that's going.

& I am currently fighting off feelings of wanting to dress in layers and autumn kissed sweaters. I know everyone says it, but I really love dressing for fall. Truth be told, I love summer and fall and dressing for them.

& I'm going to Ohio in October. That's all.

& I tried acupuncture for the first time last week. It felt prickly and relaxing and tingley.

& I saw Walmart: A Rock Opera* last week. I appreciated (and agreed with) the sentiment and message, but ultimately I think those things may have been lost in a format (musical theater) that traditionally doesn't foster for "the big picture message". Walmart is bad. Walmartopia is silly.

& I saw Rent starring Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal a while back. They've reprised their roles, and yeah, they are too old to play Mark and Roger, but it was fun and I loved it all the same.

& I have been drinking too much Belgian beer recently.

& I swallowed the septum retainer I have kept hidden for the better part of the last 3-4 years and as a result, have been wearing a septum ring that shows. All my new friends say, "Woah! You got a new piercing!" to which I say, "No....I swallowed the old one. This is almost six years old." Six years with this honkin piece of metal shoved up my nose. I won't stop wearing it or let it close up because it holds special meaning for me. Perhaps someday I'll go into the details of why I chose to modify myself in this way, but six years later and I still haven't shared that story with anyone for quiet, personal reasons. Additionally now, I'm trying to redefine the septum ring from being a confrontational statement to being something even adorable girls can wear. Scarlett Johanssen has a septum ring too, and while she's a picture of pretty, I think its bold that she has a septum ring too.

& Is anyone on Goodreads? Find me! Let's be bookworms together!

*Not actual title of play.

For Maura.

2007-08-20T16:40:00.000-04:00

And really, isn't this oddly cute:

I don't know who the artist is, so I can't give credit, sadly!

Crisitunity.

2007-08-20T09:23:00.000-04:00

Episode: "Fear Of Flying" (12/18/94)

Context: Homer's response when Lisa informs him that the Chinese use "the same word for 'crisis' as they do for 'opportunity.'"

Real-life uses: As an irrationally exuberant response to any impending crummy situation.

And now....a story for you:
On Friday, I was on my way out the door to meet Adam at the movies. We were going to see the Simpsons, appropriately enough, which was hilarious and I would give it eight thumbs up. Alternately, on a scale of dinosaurs, I would rate it a pterodactyl. Before leaving my house, I poured myself and Adam each our own travel mug of Bison Grass vodka with apple juice and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Now you might be saying to yourself, "Jen, isn't that what alcoholics do- carry their drinks around with them? I've seen this on Lifetime movies and very special episodes of sitcoms before." And to you I say, "Yes, some alcoholics do carry their flasks of alcohol with them. Some people who just like to drink do that." Especially ones who don't drive. And c'mon, they don't sell beer at the movies. And if they did, it would be a beer-like liquid and overpriced.

It was raining Friday, so I had an umbrella in addition to my two travel mugs: my new 75th Anniversary Jacob's Pillow mug and the mug I purchased during the "rest stop" portion of my amazing bus trip to DC a few weeks ago.

Its like this, except mine is plastic and has a lid for traveling (in)conveinence.

I'm holding the umbrella over my head with one hand and have a travel mug in my other hand. But where to put the second travel mug? Well, like all of the ladies here in New York and Hollywood starlets, I have a bag that could fit a unicorn or a dwarf-sized hobo inside. I have a lot of important junk I have to carry around with me: Blackberry, three kinds of lip goo (including the aforementioned American Girl Mango Tango), two pens, one Sharpie (for drunken fun), cigarette case (incidentally which, does not hold cigarettes but my id, Metrocard, and college id in cases of "with valid student ID"), the latest book I'm reading (Them by Francine du Plessix Gray), digital camera, iPod, a recent crumpled fortune I got from Chinese takeout (You will inherit a gold mine in Africa. [What?]), and hand sanitizer, of course. I needed an extra place to put this mug and I take assesment of my bag and think, "I can wedge this mug in the end if I arrange everything right. The lid is secure." And so I follow this plan of action.

And let me tell you: I made it approximately 4 steps before spilling half that mug of vodka all over myself and the entire contents of my bag, including my Blackberry.

Beloved Blackberry, giver of emails, schedules, and internet access, flickered and faded into its death about 10 hours later.
RIP, Blackberry 8700. November 2006 - August 2007.

To confirm that Blackberry was really dead, I went to the AT&T, formerly Cingular store, in Union Square. The helpful man looked at it and said, "Did it get wet?" To which I responded, "Well, I mean, it was raining last night. Actually, it drowned in vodka. [sad, shameful face]" He confirmed there was little hope for rescue, so it was then that I had to consider my options and quickly realized, BUY A NEW PHONE, because I'm not Hermione Granger and I can't conjure cell phones. Furthermore, if I WAS Hermione Granger, I wouldn't need a cell phone, I could just send my Patronus all over the land to send my messages.

Miss Granger, if you're nasty.

Truthfully, I really loved the idea of the Blackberry, but it felt too adult- too business suit- too much guy with shooter fingers.

Put a shirt on!

I took this CRISITUNITY! and realized that if I had to buy a new cell phone, I should go with something that was ME. I wanted less Blackberry, more phone. I wanted less business suit, more I'm creative person. But what phone could possibly fulfill all of my hopes, dreams, and desires without leaving me feeling dirty in the morning?

That's how I ended up with an iPhone. And also how I became Tom Cruise in Minority Report.

Its definitely the touch screen. Or the fact that I call it "my iPod Phone" like my granny would. Or its tiny size. Or its ability to summon unicorns. Or how it says, "I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do," like HAL 9000. Actually, that last part is a little weird, but hey! Its the future and we're all going to start using hoverboards and drive flying cars soon!

Except me. I don't drive. But I'll get my iPhone to drive for me.

Real beauty is watching out for friends.

2007-08-16T18:54:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhhhh, don't you love fortune cookie wisdom? Except, the title of this post came from the lid of my Mango Tango American Girl $1 lip gloss. Its good enough to eat. Actually, that's all I'm eating these days- I'm on the American Girl Lip Gloss diet.

That's my $1 lip gloss gangsta face.

Presently, the episode of the Simpsons that starts with Tax Day, is on the television. It feels as though I've seen this episode a thousand times more than all the other episodes of the Simpsons. That's really all I have to say about that.

This week, I've been struggling to jump back into regular work-at-home schedule after my two week road trip. Let me also take this opportunity to say Thank you: KateHankMrHickmantheBusDriverMichelleTrevorErinWayneMomDadBethJaneGrannyLindaBillMattBrendaJenMarkScooterBradJAdbouAdrienneJamie and everyone else I encountered along the way. You guys collectively rock my world.

My friend Mark recently interviewed Marketa, the pretty lady from the movie, Once. When I saw this movie it blew me away, so I was amazed to hear that Marketa and Glen Hassard (of The Frames) are/were touring the US recently. Anyways, you can read Mark's interview with Marketa on his blog here.

Its a random road trip.

2007-08-03T01:10:00.000-04:00

The orange moon was so close I could have wrapped my arms around it and hugged it until the morning. I'm in the middle of a 2 week journey through so many places:

Washington DC (great weekend! who wants a Nintendo Wii? Jen does!)
Minneapolis, MN (don't worry, I'm okay- I wasn't near the bridge)
Menomonie, WI (work)
Rockford, IL (Friday - Tuesday)
Massachusetts (Tuesday - Sunday)

For now, I'm in northwestern Wisconsin enjoying the sexy wood paneling in my hotel room and the free cable plus movie channels. I've been workingworking crazy workaholic style lately which I love/hate-hate/love and staying up late watching random episodes of Big Love-Top Chef-So You Think You Can Dance-and now that most excellent of movies- AMERICAN PSYCHO. The scene where they compare their business cards is on right now- and hands down- my favorite of the movie. "It even has a watermark." I've been so busy with working that I've slacked off on making plans for this two week adventure- totally my fault. As you already knew, my communication recently has been been poor- at best.

Oh yeah. Christian Bale is giving his Huey Lewis and the News speech- and he's about to chop up Jared Leto. Until later, friends.

Who likes SPOILERS?

2007-07-31T18:38:00.001-04:00

Don't listen to this song if you haven't finished reading Harry Potter or if you hate funny things:
http://www.nyneofuturists.org/podcast/spoiler-alert.mp3

I will stop talking about Harry Potter, but not today.

2007-07-26T21:23:00.001-04:00

Wisdom from the LOLcats...

2007-07-21T13:56:00.000-04:00

Actually, I'm finished with the book- you can't spoil me!

Unicorn? Pugicorn? Watercorn?

2007-07-18T10:04:00.001-04:00

OFFICIAL NOTICE

2007-07-17T21:17:00.001-04:00

Dear Internet,

I'm avoiding you this week until after I've finished Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I refuse to let some jerk in internetland spoil the ending for me.

And tell your friends television and newspaper that I'll see them next week too.

Broomsticks and veritiserums,
Ms. Jenny Marvel

Harry Potter and the Spoiler of Doom!

2007-07-15T20:32:00.000-04:00

My Harry Potter Spoiler of Doom is:
Remus Lupin gets pregnant by Dobby the House Elf in Diagon Alley
Get your Harry Potter Spoiler of Doom

Friday funny!

2007-07-06T15:44:00.000-04:00

Also, here's how my Fourth of July went:
Free New Pornographers show, rain, Mexican food, Killer Flaming Dr. Peppers, blueberry vodka made up holiday drinks, pushing strangers, karaoke, Snape IS the half blood prince (right!), and then being too intoxicated to remember any of it.

Oh, Bill O'Reilly. Its okay that you lost to a high school student.

2007-06-25T15:19:00.000-04:00

All those times I did all those things, remember? Purely a photo post.

2007-06-22T11:59:00.000-04:00

Minor league baseball mascots LOVE me. No idea why. Its not my baseball knowledge...

The Statue of Liberty gives me the creeps. She's all green and moldy looking. And from France.

That's Datarock. They're from Norway. They give out shots of wildly strong coffee.

Hey Lily Allen. Thanks for not cancelling your NYC show. I think you're adorable, as always. Love, Jen

Oh hey, remember that time we went to the formerly Polish nightclub and THIS girl dressed in- whatever that is smeared in fake blood danced on stage to the techno music ? Yeah, that was kinda weird.

Stuff on my cat.

2007-06-22T11:52:00.000-04:00

And the blurry version.

Aaaaaaaaand, this is how my cat sleeps. Don't you love how her little back legs look like turkey legs? Actually, the whole thing makes me feel a bit dodgy.

I could sit and watch this website all day:

2007-06-20T15:56:00.000-04:00

Wait for the site to load, and make sure to turn on the sound. Totes worth it.

Watch it three times in a row to get the full effect.

2007-06-20T15:49:00.000-04:00

Enter exhaustion.

2007-06-17T22:14:00.000-04:00

After deciding that it would be amazing to put on the special skills section of my resume "Non-sloppy, efficient vomiting drunk" I puked the most amazing raspberry sorbet colored vomit onto the ground of my subway platform as I stumbled home greeting the sunrise at 5.30 this morning.

I spent yesterday afternoon at the Renegrade Craft Fair at the McCarren Pool. It was not my midwestern mum's potpourri and teddy bear craft fair, that's certain. I walked away with a beautiful hand sewn leather business card organizer and a lamp made from drink umbrellas! All the craftiness at the fair yesterday inspired me to finally decorate and organize my room today. Its been a battle, but I am slowly creating the atmosphere I want my bedroom and office to have. My room is beginning to glow with green and blues and oranges (the basic color scheme). That means I shan't be embarrassed when you come to visit and my walls are bare!

See how I threw in that part about you visiting? Clever. But seriously. Come visit!

You guys, I'm so sorry this has become the YouTube remixed blog.

2007-06-14T13:02:00.000-04:00

Or I'm really not sorry at all. Watch and laugh.

Also, hysterical:

Super Size You.

2007-05-30T11:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was at my bank (the Washington Mutual in Windsor Terrace/Park Slope/South Slope (whatever its proper classification is) or alternately: WaMoo), and as I was leaving, I saw this guy:

Okay, so no big deal. He's that guy who ate McDonald's for a month and got all chunky and unhealthy to prove his point and then told everyone how he was never eating fast food again. Remember that? Yes, truly powerful and moving in our society of fatties and skinny coked out starlets in rehab.

Except when I saw him yesterday, he was shoving a giant ice cream cone in his mouth. So much for that "not eating fast food anymore" tomfoolery. Its okay, Morgan Spurlock, we all struggle to stick to our healthy diets. Some of us just don't document it on internationally released documentaries.

Share your XANADU.

2007-05-25T13:52:00.000-04:00

I am inexplicably excited for the new Broadway musical, Xanadu, based on the cult 1980s film. The musical's website is sponsoring a Win 2 Free Tickets to Xanadu and share your Xanadu with us contest. So there's all these crazy links to YouTube videos. And now I will share two of my favorite with you:

Surrealist art meets capitalism.

2007-05-23T09:25:00.001-04:00

All in all is all we are.

2007-05-22T14:15:00.000-04:00

& Do you listen to NPR's All Songs Considered podcast? You really, really, really, really should. This week they posted Ben Gibbard's (of Death Cab for Cutie, The Postal Service, American Analog Set, and All Time Quarterback) live show. I broke it up into mp3s and its the only thing I have listened to for two days in a row. (Email me if you'd like a copy of it.) His piano cover of "All Apologies" by Nirvana and his rendition of Donovan's Sing for You are lovely. Simply lovely.

& I love Donovan in an inexplicable way. Maybe it was the time I took him shopping for black pants in the ladies section of K-Mart in Great Barrington and he kissed me on the cheek after and said, "Thanks love." That was a spectacular moment in my life.

& The movie Paris Je T'aime. A love story for the city for lovers.

& I'm considering starting a blog over at Tumblr, so I can just post things I am in hearts with right now (videos and musics and things.) Please discuss.

& Summer music festivals.

& Street fairs.

& This guy's art.

Words + visual aids.

2007-05-16T10:20:00.000-04:00

% Bjork's new album, Volta

% Home made iced coffee + water with lemon and cucumbers + popcicles

% Photos from France

% Summer, summer, I am here to win you over.

% Paying someone else to do my laundry

% GHOSTLAND OBSERVATORY IS PLAYING A FREE SHOW AT MCCARREN POOL THIS SUMMER.

% Watching reruns of old Scripps National Spelling Bees on ESPN2 (Samir! You're my boy!)

% International dance parties (alternately: How I became the United Nations of International Dance Party Friends)

% Smoosh opening for The Pipettes on June 5th!

% Dresses and dressing up

% Not traveling for three weeks (alternately: staying in New York for three weeks in a row!)

French wine, cigarettes, baguettes, French wine, fondue, French wine, French wine, French wine, croissants, and French wine.

2007-05-15T12:44:00.000-04:00

Bon jour!

I returned from France yesterday and I've barely had a moment to catch my breath, but I wanted to tell you how I am still alive (although the climb to the top of Notre Dame almost killed me!) and that I have photos coming soon.

Lately in my life:
Red wine, white wine, cheap wine. Baguettes. Croissants. Chocolate filled croissants. Three am drunk food (chocolate filled croissants slathered in Nutella). Big hills. Cigarettes. Tap dancing. International dance parties. Sleepy afternoons. No sleep. Wine. Wine in baby bottles. Fondue. Marriage proposals from Frenchmen. Photos. Walking. Wine. Cigarettes. Baguettes. Wine. Wine. Wine.

I also squeezed in a trip to Lyon to visit with the incomprable Mike van sleen, who sends well wishes and hellos to all of you in Pillowland.

I had the most spectacular holiday, which I will endlessly discuss with you soon. ~~Right now, I have to get ready for the arrival of one, Mark Schwaber, who is here with the band, Spouse, to perform in Brooklyn and also at Sirius Radio and Air America this week.~~

Three stories of interest currently. Discuss.
First transgendered prom queen?

Jerry Falwell dies possibly from shock of the aforementioned transgendered prom queen.

Two kids broke into the Smashing Pumpkins rehearsal space. I know one of those kids. And you know what? If you commit a crime, you should go to jail, no matter how much of a jerkbag Billy Corgan is.

And when I see you, I really see you upside down.

2007-05-07T17:30:00.000-04:00

After constant motion for the past several weeks, I'm taking this moment in my life to reflect before this brief pause resumes at a whirring by me speed.

My heart has been pulled in several directions lately- family so far away, friends so spread out. My week in Illinois was brilliant and insanely busy- seeing so many people I love and admire all in the span of such a short time. When I left, I felt good about the time I spent with my friends, but still left feeling like I didn't soak it all in enough.

And so I keep moving. Motion. In the past year, I've lived in three states. Three states, a thousand states of mind, a significant year of change. I don't think of this as a quarterlife crisis any more. Because its so much better than that, my life is not in crisis mode.

I'm leaving for Paris in two days. My life perspective slightly altered from my last visit, and I am so excited to travel. After that, I look forward to falling in love with my own city for awhile.

Friends, I leave you with this little excerpt from Henry Rollins:
"Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have."
-Solipsist, Henry Rollins

C'mon, Feel the Illinoise!

2007-04-25T01:16:00.000-04:00

Hey friendlies. I'm here in Illinois. I've been running on "if I stop moving I'll die" mode since moving to New York and being in Illinois hasn't slowed that down ONE TINY BIT. But I love it. I feel good all over- orrrrr that's the 8.5% beers talking.

I can't offer much more than that in words at the moment. But here is a picture of my cat and I gloriously reunited and LOVING IT:

This is exactly how my work days go. LOVE.

La Dolce Vita.

2007-04-17T20:18:00.000-04:00

So, let's get right to it. In bullet points, for your reading conveinence and because that's quicker and I'm not feeling particularly literary at this juncture:

*On Saturday, I moved to New York. The city. And despite rain and generally crappy weather, Hi, I love it here.

*I work from home now. And while you might be inclined to think that working from home means watching soap operas and mid-afternoon lawyer shows, it does not. It does mean I can wear my jammies to work (I have not yet) and that I get to have 1 of 2 cats sitting on my lap as I work. Whereas before, putting on clothes and driving to an office meant getting into work mode, now its a mental process. Sadly, I'm even busier now working from home than when I was working in an office. It doesn't make sense, but that's how it works.

*I saw Smoosh last night. They are 2 sisters who are very small and both under the age of 15. And they rock. And I hope you check them out.

*I'm going to be in Illinois next week. And that means two homecomings in as many weeks. And I find that slightly overwhelming. But I generally find the next 1-2 months overwhelming in terms of scheduling. But you know me, and you know that in an eery way, I *like* being this insanely busy.

Okay my darlings, that's all I have for today.

Superficial subversion.

2007-04-17T00:03:00.000-04:00

"Are you excited to move to New York?" I have recently come to dread this question as much as "So, what do you want to study?" (see: High School Graduation). Not because I'm NOT excited. Oh yes, I've been waiting almost two years for this moment. I'm just too tired to show you my overflowing excitement. Trust me. I am the most excited person you know.

I've had a bout of the wide-awakes at 3 am recently which is really fine. Seriously! I love working at 3am because I'm wide awake. I need to find a way to empty my brain before bedtime. Like in Harry Potter- I need a pensieve to extract the thoughts, the forever To Do lists, the workplans-movingplans-lifeplans.

Today, all of it- the exhaustion and the stress manifested physically in my body; just in the crook of my neck.

I was explaining Pilates to a few coworkers today and my reasons for why I cannot take Pilates ever again. The 70-year-old ladies farting was just too much.

This morning I listened to the All Songs Considered podcast featuring music producer Joe Boyd, who is responsible for musicians like Nick Drake and probably a whole iPod worth of music you've heard before. The man is simply profound in his spot-on analysis of music then and music now without being condemning to either era (the 1960s vs. present music culture). He has a new book out now and I am looking forward to picking it up soon.

He read the final paragraph from the book, which ends on a rather doom-and-gloom note, but what stuck with me the most was his assessment that the music industry has created music which is superfically subversive (hence, the title of my post). And with those words came a flood of clarity. Superficially subversive. It makes me really question what, if any "mainstream" art is truly subversive? Are we as people capable of being genuinely subversive or provoking? I have my doubts because its subversive to make witty commentary about hipster chic, which is being mass produced in a...you guessed it, superficially subversive way.

"But do you believe in something beautiful? Get up and be it." -Ted Leo

You may not like his music, but he's one of the most intelligent, thoughtful artists out in the world right now. I would highly recommend his interview in The Onion's AV Club from a few weeks ago.

Lily Allen + Me =s True Love.

2007-04-06T12:57:00.000-04:00

Lily Allen calls George W Bush an “a**hole” and claims she is “probably bisexual”
A drunk Lily Allen ,probably lost it on stage last week.

British singer Lily Allen has launched an astonishing drunken rant during a concert in San Diego, California, calling George W Bush an “a**ehole” and claiming she is “probably bisexual”.

The 21-year-old turned angry after guzzling beer and cider onstage during her performance at the city’s House of Blues last week (30Mar07).

She said, “George Bush is an assehole and a cunt” before also directing her vitriol at Tony Blair.

Allen then claimed she was bisexual because she was sick of men with “tiny dicks”, reports British newspaper The Sun.

A concert-goer tells the newspaper, “Lily got really drunk on stage."

“She then started calling Bush names and the audience went a bit quiet. She also said that San Diego has the best crack whores she has ever seen and that she was thinking of becoming a lesbian.”

The singer has hinted she is considering quitting her US tour - an attempt to crack the lucrative Stateside market - because she’s bored. She writes on her MySpace page, “Is it really important to break America? I’m bored.”

Source

Yes, I love technology.

2007-03-29T22:08:00.000-04:00

At work today, I could barely hide my excitement for my new favorite feature Google has (no, not the themes, but those are good too) is Google Calendars. I love that I can keep my schedule in a variety of colors and I made all my coworkers share it with me. Upon my jumping about with the beautiful color coded calendar in my hands, our artist-in-residence and receptionist extraordinaire laughs at me and says,

"Who are you? Seriously, Jen, are you really 25? Because what are you going to be like when you're 40?"

And then we both fell over in giggle fits. Because its true. And I had this flashback to being a kid and I was sitting in the hospital waiting room making imaginary schedules and bar graphs. Its completely true, I've always been like this (and by "this" I mean, weirdly paradoxical in my organizational skills). My room may be a mess, but my life is color coded and organized, people.

Secret confessions of the tiny morsels of a joyful life.

2007-03-28T23:22:00.000-04:00

It is entirely possible that the sunshine and warm weather and running my toes through the itchy grass on my one hour escapes from work gulping back green tea alternating with Diet Coke has caused me to listen to pop music and female vocalists almost exclusively lately:

+Rudebox by Robbie Williams
I have love for Robbie Williams because he's defiant and rebelious and that Gallagher fellow from Oasis called him the fat dancing guy in the British boy and. So not true. And those Gallagher brothers are complete morons.

+Traffic and Weather by Fountains of Wayne
This band always comes full forced with the great lyrics (although, to be fair, I thought Stacy's Mom had kind of weak lyrics, but still catchy as hell and an awesome homage to the Cars), and their new album is poppy and the sounds are lush and I just like them, ok?

+The Pipettes by The Pipettes
I dig these girls- I'm also going through a big female vocalist phase right now and I can't get enough of the hand claps and the 1960s girl group revival.

+The Bird & The Bee by The Bird & The Bee
Something about the synths and the pretty lady's sweet smooth singing evokes Ella Fitzgerald singing Desafinado. That kind of statement sounds mighty crass, but I am all about it this duo from Sweden, or wherever it is that synthy-pop duos are born.

+Mes Amours by Edith Piaf
This woman sounds like she led a wild life and I would have given anything to have seen her perform live in the 1950s. This is generally the album I start my morning with at work, its gentle but vibrant.

+Sound of Silver by LCD Soundsystem
LCD Soundsystem makes me want to have a dance party in my living room (or perhaps more appropriately, my kitchen which has more open space for dancing although the last time I was dancing in the kitchen, I broke my wrist in the 3rd grade- simply the mere beginnings of my clutzy nature). How you feel about Sound of Silver probably depends on how you feel about LCD Soundsystem. I feel extra crispy good about LCD Soundsystem so I am ALL ABOUT Sound of Silver.

In other news:
My days consist of working so hard my brain gives out on on my body by about 3pm most days, then coming home to make dinner and pack another box full of clothes or other junk I toted all the way to this state. My time to get myself together and Back to NY! is getting down to the wire as every day passes- most of next week is really out of the question since I'll be out of town then hosting my mum for Easter weekend. Per usual, I'm staying calm like its nothing and will probably be shoving things into beaten up boxes like its no big deal April 13th.

I think from now I'll just ruffle baby powder in my hair instead of washing it. George Washington wig style, everybody!

And now it is warm enough that I can stop at the coffee shop on the way to work each morning and order "one large, Iced Coffee please with room for cream," but they know that about me now. Instead of speaking of coffee, the girl who wears cute hats and I talk about the music they play- the other morning it was "the new Shins, don't you think its great?" and the morning before that....well, I don't remember. But I remember liking it even at such atrocious hours as 7:45 am. Maybe I will make them a CD, those friendly faces at the coffeeshop, although, maybe they'd find that presumptious. Or maybe I'll start giving one copy of my weekly mixes to one random person every week. Just to spread musical joy in the world. Yes, I feel a project forming.

There's a lot going on in my world right now, come share it with me.

I AM FILLED WITH HEINOUS LIES.

2007-03-27T17:42:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I am clearly a liar about the momentary hiatus.

Let's try a round of funny things people Googled to arrive here:

upshot photos of pussy
I am so incredibly sorry to have disappointed you.

ginny quit living on dreams
But dreams are all we have!

how to cross a river infested with piranhas
Carefully.

marry-a-greek
I-don't-think-hyphenating-words-is-going-to-convince-a-Greek-or-anyone-to-marry-you.

obnoxious foofy hair
See also: my cat.

honey bunches of oats review
My opinion: as long as you don't use them for bacon tang bars and Honey Bunches of Oats are delicious.

skittles bunny
I love that commercial too! Yoooooyoyoyoyoooooooo!

yummy yum yum
Are we still talking about the skittles bunny?

then i'll be the sky
Okay, I'm keeping my feet on the ground.

jenn l day
For me, that's every day!

it was a passing fad...a private project that became quite public.

2007-03-27T00:57:00.000-04:00

this place has been dying a pretty slow death for going on six months now. i find the chronicle of life in such a public manner fascinating and yet, completely intimidating at this juncture. there's too much going on in my world to attempt communicativeness about all of it. and at the same time, i know so many far away friends count on this to be the insight into the happenings in my life. i'm stuck right now, this place has become pretty sterile of thoughtful and funny commentary reflective of me.

as a person who writes daily, it has become increasingly difficult to come home and put more words to the screen. there have been days, months in my life where i had to write to keep from completely losing it. frantic scribbles across any scraps of paper i could find. and to a certain extent, i can still recreate the stimuli for creative bursts of inspired writing, but really when it becomes that formulaic, it also becomes pretty exhausted.

i'm not promising anything, i'm not not promising anything.

truthfully, i don't like not knowing who is out there in internet-land reading this and on the other hand, putting an IP tracker was one of the worst moves i could have made because i know who reads my words and it has changed the parts of my life i am willing to share here. more than anyone, i realize how incredibly lame that sounds, but also. i'm really happy with anonymity. i'm glad my friends come here, its all the non-friends that stop by that i'm not very comfortable with anymore. you're all saying, "jen when have you ever cared about what people think of you?" and you'd be correct. until i can get back to an un-self-censored place, this feels pretty empty as an exercise in writing.

my writing isn't what it used to be and furthermore, i don't have the time or energy these days. i'd rather focus what little energy i have left at the end of the day to write a personal email, make a phone call, write a postcard.

i'm not gone forever, but let's just call it a (momentary) hiatus, ok? i'm in need of reinvention, recentering.

xoxo,
jenny

Touch, taste, smell, hear.

2007-03-19T22:52:00.000-04:00

Everything is really crazy right now. I'm leading/teaching classes at work- teaching is not so easy. Appreciate the teachers in your life! I mean it.

Other than that, I'm handing my car to its new owner tomorrow. I briefly considered taking a cruise around in it one last time tonight, but then I remembered- its just a car. Really. A car is just a thing, a mode of transportation. But we had some fun times in that car. Driving to concerts, to far off cities. That car has been from Illinois to Massachusetts seven times! That's a lot of road tripping, my friends. So my dear little Toyota Corolla, thanks for all the goods times...

So all this moving business is coming along really smoothly so far. Car sold, check. Switched banks, check. One way ticket to LaGuardia Airport, check. (That was the weirdest part yet, was buying a one way ticket. That made it feel real.) Packing up boxes to ship...well, I'm working on that one.

Also, let me just get this out of the way and say, Wisconsin lost. I know. I'm eating my words right now. But, I watched every second with agony. Now I'm rooting for the Salukis (I probably shouldn't cause now they'll probably lose. Oh well.)

News, Breaking news!, Boring news, Sports News. Also, Huey Lewis & the News.

2007-03-16T18:10:00.000-04:00

I finished writing a 350 page book. Soon it will be a real book with an ISBN like the Library of Congress uses. And as Jeffrey so kindly pointed out, I will now be able to use this tidbit of dad humour with the utmost conviction:

"I wrote the manual on that."

AH. This could be the best part of the whole experience.

AND NOW, I give you the timeline for my life in the next 2 - 3 months (abridged):

April 2 - 4th. Seattle, Washington.

April 14th. Move to Brooklyn, New York.

April 21 - 29th(ish). In the Northern Illinois region.

May 9th - 13th. Traipsing about Paris (France, not Texas).

TBA: Tokyo, Japan (probably the fall) and Memphis, TN.

I feel confident in announcing my whereabouts after weeks of speculation and trying to keep my big mouth shut until it was finalized. And now it is. And now you know where to find me and when. Yes, I'm moving to New York (finally).

I thought Esperanto was the universal language.
No matter what anyone tells you, if you have Photoshop installed on your Intel based Mac, DO NOT DELETE LANGUAGE FILES. Even if its ridiculous that Photoshop needs Klingon and Esperanto installed to run properly (and it is ridiculous). Furthermore, its not going to save you much space. And when you have to go to Mac's Genius Bar and eat your humble pie and tell them that you were stupid and want to repent for your stupid mistake, they won't laugh at you because that's poor customer service. Anyways, don't do that because it almost gave me a panic attack.

ALSO:
HOORAY FOR BASKETBALL! Just so you know, I think Wisconsin could win the Final Four. Any dissenting opinions can suck it because BUCKY BADGER WILL EAT YOUR FACE FOR BREAKFAST AND THEN DO COCK PUSHUPS ALL OVER YOUR EATEN OFF FACE.

Its hip to be square.
For your viewing pleasure, I present: Christian Bale (hotty), Jared Leto (post-hot Jordan Catalano, pre-fat goth), and my favorite scene from American Psycho:

Hearts and flowers,
xoxo.
-j

Four way makeouts with movie stars.

2007-03-07T01:17:00.000-05:00

I saw Zodiac and it was incredible how closely they followed the book. A synchronous adaptation, indeed. In what may be a first, I enjoyed the movie equally as much as the book. I'm going to dream of making out with a flamboyant Robert Downey Jr., a 1970s era Mark Ruffalo, and Donnie Darko tonight. Hot!

Paris in Springtime.

2007-03-02T18:43:00.001-05:00

Anyone want to go to Paris for a long weekend in the first half of May? For serious.

I am not watching awards shows tonight, and I am okay with that.

2007-02-25T20:36:00.000-05:00

Since November, I've been getting paid to travel and write a book. The two aren't really connected, that is to say, I am not writing about traveling. I am writing and I am traveling. Mostly writing. So I sit at my computer and tippity-tap away, music in ears. Since November. That's what (counts on fingers, NovemberDecemberJanuaryFebruary) four months? That's nearly half of a human baby's gestation. And I absolutely cannot wait for the day, the very magical day when this book that I am writing will be complete.

Because as it stands, its depressing the hell out of me. Its sucking out my life force. I come home from work at night and my glazed over eyes don't want to think about anything. I don't want to be creative or produce anything of substance. Watch movie, zone out, fall asleep.

I'm a zombie. Minus the undead issue.

And yet, in two weeks, when I've birthed this book and its done and finished I can't help but think I'll be just a little sad. Spending four months struggling and loving and coddling this book and after the party we're having to celebrate its completion and my transition into foremost authority, I think I'll feel a bit relieved AND melancholy. Its my book, my project, my four and a half months of workingdreamingeatingbreathing about this book.

But those are feelings that are still two weeks away. For now I am feeling excited and tired and nervous and anxious and bewildered- there are some fairly major happenings besides this one project in my life. Big things I am too nervous to talk about right now. Major life transitions that cause me to talk to myself in my car and in the bathroom mirror as I attempt not to smudge the eyeliner under my eyes.

I'm a creature who craves positive reinforcement. So every step of the way lately has been about rewards: yes, you can have a Cadbury egg, yes, you can have a glass of wine, yes, you should wear a super cute outfit today. I'm also making a concious effort to spend less on the unnecessary things in my life so that I can enjoy the fun things- CDs, concerts, summer vacations to far (and near) lands. I look forward to start sewing again soon. I love sewing far more than knitting because I am a creature who relies on instant gratification. I've picked out the patterns (big and small) and the fabrics and I am so so excited. I'll keep you updated on my progress with those things.

My frigid fingers are struggling to keep up with my writing stride this evening. When my head craves writing, I follow because its a crap shoot when it may happen again. Even at 150 wpm, my fingers cannot keep up. My head is full of thoughts, my lungs are short on breath, my ears and my heart are full of beats. I slept with a wide open window last night and it felt refreshing to wake up to sunshine and birds chirping.

My music playlist lately:
The Get Up Kids - Something to Write Home About
The Fratellis - Costello Music
The Teddybears
Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion Soundtrack
R.E.M - Greatest Hits
LILY ALLEN, obvs.
iPod shuffle because it hurts to think.

Things I dig about college towns:
JIMMY JOHN'S.

Sidenote
This is a big week for me and the direction of my life, you guys, and although I can't talk about it right now, will you please think of me? Will you please keep me in your thoughts? Will you just remember that I could use some positive thinking right now? I cannot tell you how much it means to me and how much I am trying to send my positive thoughts to all of you too...

Britney needs a hug, y'all.

2007-02-17T20:45:00.000-05:00

Here's the thing about Britney Spears: so showing your va-jay-jay to the world and partying with Paris Hilton aren't really mommy behavior, but this whole shaving her head business?

Oh yeah, Britney shaved her head, in case you hadn't heard.

I don't know what motivated her actions, but seriously, we've all done crazy things completely sober too.

At the tender age of 20, a boy I thought was THE WORLD not only broke up with me, he cut off all ties one day. DIdn't say why, didn't call back ever again. He cut me out of his life, he cut all his friends out of his life. I was totally devastated by the whole debacle. Looking back now, the whole situation was kind of messed up, but is utterly irrelevant now. In response to this person cutting me out of his life, I didn't shave my head, but I acted out and did things I (or anyone else) wouldn't normally do. One night, I was seeing a few local bands play (a show he and I were planning to attend together) and realized that: A) I don't want to be at this show, B) I need to get out of this town right now, and C) I need to do something unexpected.

Do you know what I did? I hopped in my car alone, drove to Madison, WI and got my septum pierced. You know, like the little bull ring? I put a piece of metal in my face there. That little ring still lives there, but most people I meet these days never have any clue of its presence. Most of the time, I forget its there even. Putting a hole in your nose or shaving your head aren't permanent changes. Holes will close, hair grows back. Obviously, unrelenting people with giant cameras trying to make big money by following my every move aren't a daily occurence in my life either.

So when Ms. Britney Spears decides to shave her head, I'm gonna cut her a little slack because sometimes you need to do something drastic like shave your head. Or do whatever makes sense in that moment. If she's on drugs, I guess that's a whole other ordeal, but I should think shaving one's head is far less destructive than harming yourself or your children.

Honestly, I've had some pretty awful hair days where I've thought, "I would like to shave my head." Or when its so hot that I don't want anything at all touching me ever, I've honestly thought, "I want to shave my head right now." I'm thinking this summer maybe I will.

Cooking with Jen!
Hey did you get me a subscription to Eating Healthy magazine? If you did, thanks! Here's my new favorite
non-salad salad recipe (use your tastebuds to determine how much to add):

brocolli florets
red pepper cut into bite size pieces
yellow pepper cut into bite size pieces
just a little bit of chopped onion
radishes chopped into pieces
mandarin oranges
feta cheese crumbles

Mix everything together. Toss until coated in Orange-Oregano Dressing.

Orange-Oregano Dressing:
1/2 cup orange juice
1 tsp. freshly grated orange zest
3/4 tsp. of dried oregano
1/2 tsp. of dijon mustard
1 tbs. of extra virgin olive oil
(Shake everything together)

Yum!

Destine to die alone in a room heavy with the tang of cat wee.

2007-02-14T22:07:00.000-05:00

This year I handed out Hello Kitty! Valentines, but nothing really beats last year...

Its snowing something fierce outside so I'm curled up at home tonight, which is fine by me, even though I had really looked forward to my purple Valentine's martini tonight. Instead I'm sporting the heart PJs my mama sent me, eating the chocolate covered strawberries (bouquet style) she had delivered to my work and I'm watching the least romantic movies I could find: The Departed (gangsters!), Half Nelson (drugs! Canadians!), The US vs. John Lennon (hmmm...), and Running With Scissors (a movie I have attempted to watch three times now and can't really get into).

So when I was a kid, there was an Italian joint in town my family would always eat at on Valentine's Day. We ate there other days of the year, but on Valentine's Day, they made heart shaped pizzas. When I suggested we order pizza shaped like a heart at work today, everyone scoffed at the idea that a place would make heart shaped pizza. Ive been intensely craving heart shaped pizza ALL DAY LONG, people.

East Coast friends, sadly I will not be visiting your region in a few weeks- I am sorry I couldn't keep plans...its a work thing, you understand. But don't worry, I will be back in full effect so very soon.

Dear Lily Allen,

Will you be my Valentine? We dress alike and think we could find a lot of trouble together.

xoxo,
Jen

night owl.

2007-02-13T09:04:00.000-05:00

i've never been a morning person.

i kept your picture, just behind the eye.

2007-02-12T18:11:00.001-05:00

i have started dreaming (have nightmares) of all that lay ahead. working.working.working. its possible i put too much pressure on myself. its possible i'm so tired that my eyeballs squish when i blink and its very very real when i say i am so tired that i have been on the cusp of tears with every turn today. every little thing has the possibility to make me well up into a thousand sobs and fall to the floor. i just flossed my teeth and it too made me want to cry. i need to sleep it off.

sleep it off.

the fifth of march will mark six months in mountain standard time. five and a half months already and so much to say about the progression of my life. five and a half months and i've taken five hundred steps forward after the last few years felt like five hundred steps nowhere (not backwards, just stagnantly still steps.) five and one half months of mountains and waiting.

i'm ready for eastern standard time again. subway train cars. late night performances. friendsfriendsfriends. i'm pretty sure that's where i belong. i never have gotten used to the simpsons coming on at 7pm on sunday nights again.

Connecticut: Not so bad after all.

2007-01-29T13:47:00.000-05:00

Maybe. I'm not willing to concede defeat over the entire state of Connecticut just yet. I know I've said some not so nice things about Connecticut in the past (you know like that time I said I would blow up the entire state and build a bridge from Massachusetts to New York, or that time I said the Hartford Civic Center's beer selection was the only good thing the state had going for it...) but it seems that my work travels will bring me to Waterbury, CT at the end of February. What this means to you, my friends residing in the states directly above or below Connecticut is that you're hanging out with me. What? No, you don't have a choice in the matter.

Do you live in Massachusetts, Connecticut, or New York City? Do you want me to kiss your baby/drink a beer with me/cause a ruckus in a rental car between February 25th and March 4th? Hit a girl up and we'll work out dates and times.

Unrelated, but Awesome:
This would be amazing to have on my wall.

Sunday morning, 9am

2007-01-28T09:08:00.000-05:00

So here I am, at a coffee shop in a college town. Most of the college kids are still drunk from last night's debauchery. I woke up to a craving for pastries and coffee with milk. And a coffee shop with free WiFi. So here I am. Avoiding the fact that I have to go into work on a Sunday. A Sunday. So I guess this is growing up.

The new Arcade Fire album, "Neon Bible," is good. Arcade Fire made an album where they sound like Arcade Fire. What's that you say? They made an album where they sound like themselves? Astonishing!

I've been thrown out of orbit lately- death in the family, physical sickness, depression. Not in that order, but moreso, concurrently happening in layers, depression on top of death on top of sickness.

More and more each I've been wishing for spring/summer/warmth. I walked outside yesterday and the texture of the snow looked different- not so smooth, but as though I could see each individual snowflake that made the piles of snow outside and I thought to myself, "Maybe this means it is melting away for spring time..." Snapped back into reality, its January, Jennifer. Spring is still months away. Open toed shoes and windows rolled down/music turned up is still months away.

I am headed to Houston this week for a work conference. It would seem I'm the only one among my coworkers who is a) excited to go and b) excited to learn what's new in my field. Its weird and full of pressure to be the It Girl of the Moment at your company- among your coworkers and customers. So many of the people I talk to weekly becoming real faces. So many mouths saying, "I can't wait to meet you!" and "You've done amazing things." I feel excitement, but I also feel keenly aware of the enormous pressure mounting.

And then to my granny's house in Florida- post work conference. I need some centering right now. My Granny and I are one in the same, so the long weekend will be spent at flea markets and cocktail hours and riding bicycles. Hopefully the Florida sunshine can hold me over until spring arrives...or at least until the snow melts.

"My Superbowl Shuffle will set you free."

2007-01-23T15:12:00.000-05:00

Hey my friendlies. I'm at home sick-ish today...well, I threw up this morning at work and they sent me home (and I went willingingly!) I am a wimpy and when I throw up I want my mum. No lie. I wish she were here to watch movies with me. Right now. I've also got a wicked fever, but mostly I feel okay, so long as I don't eat or drink anything at all. Ever again. Which is really unfortunate since I love food. (Speaking of people who love food, Kevin Smith director, actor, and funny man started a new series on his blog. Every Monday he talks about his diet. And the foods he wishes he could eat. Its really hilarious. And if you haven't had the chance to read his 8 part series about helping his friend, Jason Mewes (Jay of Jay and Silent Bob) kick his heroin addiction, I strongly recommend. Its truly compelling to read such a sad story of addiction make an amazing friendship even stronger....read it and you'll wish all your friends were like Kevin Smith.) Anyways, I'm sick....

Maybe I just have a case of SUPERBOWL FEVER.

I have big boisterous love for the Superbowl Shuffle. And Mike Ditka. And the Chicago Bears.

Yay! Superbowl!

Movies I am enjoying while I am in quarantine at home:
+Stick It (Bring It On but with gymnastics)

+Material Girls

+SherryBaby

I <3 Maggie Gyllenhaal.

+This Film Is Not Yet Rated

Also, yesterday my cousin and I watched movies since its cold in Minnesota:
+Bring It On: All or Nothing

They talk in IM speak in this movie. "Oh-em-gee!" I just love a good racially motivated comedy with a happy ending and a celebrity cameo. Seriously you guys, I secretly like this movie. A lot.

+The Last Kiss
Zack Braff is highly overrated. I hope he googles his name and reads this. I was reading Pitchfork's review of the new Shins album and the review talked about how the new album was trying to combat the Brafflash of Garden State. Hilarious. Speaking of, has anyone heard the new Shins album? I'm antsy to hear it. Basically, The Last Kiss is The Last Zack Braff movie I watch.

I bet MLK Jr. would know the answer to this Grammar Quiz.

2007-01-15T18:43:00.000-05:00

What is the correct name for the long, dry document I am writing for work:

a) User Manual
b) User's Guide
c) System Guide
d) Users Manual
e) Loser's Manual
f) Boozer's Manual
g) Software Bible
h) Software Koran (alternately: Software Q'oran)
i) Giant Book Containing Instructions on How to Use Our Software
j) Magical Book with All the Answers to Life's Mysteries

Culturally Insensitive Quote of the Day:
"Of course the Mennonites are working today, they don't believe in black people."

!!!

2007-01-14T21:22:00.000-05:00

In between working and working out and generally avoiding being outside (hello, 4 degree weather, what's up buzzkill?), I had time for the following this weekend:

Watching Veronica Mars Season 1 on D-V-D
Oh that Veronica Mars. Always getting herself into trouble. I love this show.

Reading "Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas" by Tom Robbins
Slow to start, but picks up in classic Robbins fashion. Still not as epic as Even Cowgirls Get the Blues and Still Life with Woodpecker.

Watching a documentary on Al Capone and the St. Valentine's Massacre on the History Channel
Did you know Al Capone was let out of Alcatraz because he suffered from dementia caused by untreated syphilis? Federal officials deemed him a threat to no one. The people that took over his South Side Chicago gang while he was in prison let him continue to believe that he was still in charge after he was released from prison because he was so far gone. Near the end of his life, Capone would spend most of his time fishing in his pool talking to all the people he had murdered in his past.

Listening to all the archived "This American Life" podcasts I could find
Ira Glass, I love you.

Buying a new dress for my work conference in Houston
Its fun to buy things (you can buy many things at the mall!), its even easier on my pocketbook when I have a legitimate reason to buy said items.

And analyzing the Harry Potter books from varying literary criticism approaches (Archetypal vs. Structuralist/Formalism)
I stopped short of writing a 3 - 5 page paper. Lots of research. As proven before: I am a nerd. And Harry Potter is the archetypal hero, like the Baby Jesus. And I'm intrigued by the underlying modern day reflections on our own society JK Rowling is presenting in her fantasy based series: the corruption of government, the media's falsification and sensationalism of the truth, blahblahblah.

Basically, this is what happens when its so cold out that I get stuck indoors all weekend. Nerdy nerdism abounds all over the place. I am so S-M-R-T. And I get very productive on the working and not so productive on the laundry, like I should be.

idiot. savant.

2007-01-10T11:07:00.000-05:00

I forgot to mention yesterday...

While I was at the movies watching Dreamgirls, there was a couple behind me who would not stop talking during the movie. As I've mentioned before, I hate when people talk during movies, so I shushed them. After the movie was over, I gathered my things and turned around to leave when I realized the person I had shushed during the movie was BLIND with one of those white blind canes and the whole shabang.

I shushed a blind person at the movies.

I am such a jackass.

iSlave

2007-01-09T19:31:00.000-05:00

Unless you, you know, are lost in outer space, I'm sure you've heard all about Apple's announcement of the June launch of the iPhone exclusively offered through Cingular.

Being somewhat of a technophile, my mouth started drooling at all the beautiful features this phone offers. Drool. Drool. Drool.

"Jen, you just bought a Blackberry." Why, yes, I did just purchase a Blackberry, but oh man those iPhones are looking Sexy.

But, just to be clear, I'm going to wait awhile before I buy this because with it being the first generation of a new product there will be glitches, so I'm going to sit back and chill on this for awhile until they've made the thing indestructably sound.

For now I'll be content with my iLife sans iPhone. Ask me again in June though, I may have changed my mind by then.

Otherwise...
I've been a bit stressed out and ultra-focused on work lately; part of my new job is writing a User's Manual, a whole new world (A Whole Newwwww World, that's where we'll be...oh hell, I don't remember the rest of that song) of technical writing and long document graphic design, both new territories for me. I'm really digging this new ground, but my out-of-work writing has suffered tremendously. I write write write all day long and that makes it difficult to come home and try and write more. I keep telling myself it will feel so good when this giant project is done (and not just because of the promised all staff dinner party my boss promised me when its done), but because it will be an entire book that I wrote. Sure, not a great pouring of my heart and soul into a novel or creative literature of any sort, but still! Fifty thousand words with accompanying illustrations to call my own. To make up for my lack of writing, I've been taking pictures with my digital camera, my Polaroid (so so much fun!), and the tiny little iSight camera in my laptop and then Photoshopping the crap out of those pictures. (See above.)

Also taking up my time are getting the next few months figured out and watching the following T-V shows on D-V-D: Degrassi: The Next Generation, Nip/Tuck, and Veronica Mars. I am a sucker for the drama-rama. Veronica Mars...if you haven't watched this show, I'm not going to tell you that you must, but she's a smart, sassy, strong lead female character and the story has totally sucked me in. When I grow up, I want to be a girl detective super sleuth.

Up for this spring: I am all about taking a class or two at the local community college. Serious question: is it possible to get your Associate's Degree after you've acquired your Bachelor's degree? If so, I may try to focus on getting an actual degree in Graphic Design or something like that.

Otherwise, I've seen a lot of movies lately; so much so, that I've seen all but one movie at the local movie theater, and I don't really want to see that one. All the movies I've seen lately have been slightly better than mediocre. You know what, I'm going to admit that I love musicals, so I saw Dreamgirls and for the first half of the movie whenever someone broke out into song it made no sense to me. I wanted more dancing, but the costumes were fabulous.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people talk during movies.

Discovery of the day: There is an energy drink called CRUNK! There are many many reasons why this amuses me. I'll let you think of your own reasons.

And finally:

This is the music I have been jamming these days: (mostly at work)

Martime (ex-Promise Ring and ex-Dismemberment Plan)

Lily Allen

This American Life podcast (not music technically, I know...)

The Pipettes

Annuals

Broken Social Scene

The City on Film (Robert Nanna)

Okay, my friendlies, I hope you are all well.

Old/New/Best

2007-01-01T13:55:00.000-05:00

2006, randomly:
+saw the Harlem Globetrotters play
+spent a lot of time in NY
+moved across the country (again)
+great friends!
+put on a play with the aforementioned great friends
+made a golf cart into a dinosaur

2007, hopefully:
+Japan!
+move across the country (again)
+more school
+more great friends!

Home, again.
As you should all have figured out by now, I did make it home for Christmas and managed to spend an evening out with my bestest of pals, Mark. What was supposed to be one drink at the local watering hole ("The Firehouse"...apparently, "The Wiffle Tree" is so passe these days) turned into closing out the bar. With any trip to a local bar, particularly at holiday times, I expect to see someone vaguely familiar from high school and well....that would be a gross understatement this time. It all reminded me of the conversation Mark and I had in Ms. Schubert's homeroom about how we had yet to reach our peak of cool in high school and if my memory wasn't so clouded by all those mixed drinks, I could have sworn we revisited that topic again at the bar that night. Well, in any case, I saw a few friendly faces, a few people who apparently have better memories than me or really, I am a heartless bitch who doesn't remember that guy I dated for a week in the middle of 10th grade. Its not that I didn't like myself in high school, its just that I don't really identify with that person so when distant acquaintances of junior and high school bring up that time that I did that embarassing thing and ohmygod don't you remember that and how do you feel about it now? And well, I don't really want to relive that. Its like the guy from that classic (but not as classic as say, The Breakfast Club or other John Hughes fare) high school flick, Can't Hardly Wait:

after being hit on by drunk guys
Reminiscing Guy: Hey Amanda.
Amanda Becket: Hey.
Reminiscing Guy: Remember that time we danced at the sock hop?
Amanda Becket: Yeah.
Reminiscing Guy: I just wanted you to know I had the hugest boner and I was just wondering if maybe you and I could get together and... work it out.
Amanda walks away disgusted

I loathe Reminiscing Guy. And really, you know, its all fine to jam with your friends about hey that was really funny when we set the couch on fire and put in on our friend's lawn and then his parents called the cops, but listen up: honestly, if we were barely acquaintances in high school, can't you think of ANYTHING AT ALL to say that is more appropriate than "Remember that time you did that stupid thing, OH-EM-GEE?" A simple "What have you been up to?" or the understated, "What's new?" are realy quite sufficient over social drinks and vague acquaintances.

You get the point.

Right, so the rest of the night at the bar was...uneventful mostly. I think someone said to me, "Heeeeyyyyy, are we MySpace friends? I think I've seen your page before...." Most deserving cockpunch of the year goes to: the cultural relevance of MySpace. Despite that and seeing too many ex-boyfriends to realistically even give a flying eff anymore, the whole night was mostly harmless and ended with a sweet hot tub party showdown and Miller Genuine Draft at my parents' house until 5 am the next morning with a few of the good friends from little ol' Northern Illinois that made driving 15 hours from Colorado just to get back home totally worth it.

Also, lesson learned: Attending Christmas Eve church services still drunk from your party the night before? Not the best thought out plan.

Omaha, Lindsey Lohan, and How I Saved Christmas

2006-12-22T20:57:00.000-05:00

First of all, let me just say that I am writing this from my blackberry. Second, I am in a car somewhere near Omaha Nebraska. Because my flight from Denver was cancelled. Impromptu road trip with my pal Kristen. We are on a race to Iowa\a race to save Christmas.

Not to worry though, we are hopped up on energy drinks and wearing night vision Blueblockers. We are going to single handedly save Christmas!

The voiceover for the trailer to the movie about our cross country trip would go something like this...

in a world
Where blizzards close airports
Two girls will travel across america's heartland
To save Christmas...
And learn the true meaning of holiday spirit.

Cue the Christmas music.

Nebraska is in my top five most boring states in the country. Indiana and Oklahoma, I am looking at you two...cause you're pretty damn boring to drive through too.

Very merries everybody.

Should you need a hearty laugh....its Dr. Tran! (and the Skittles Bunny)

2006-12-20T02:40:00.000-05:00

Jeffrey, bringing grody back!

And also because this never stop being funny to me:

Singing Skittles bunny! Yoyoyoyoooooyoyoyo!

I had planned a year end retrospective + movie review post, but this is far more entertaining.

cold december.

2006-12-18T23:34:00.000-05:00

one of my favorite people, the true blue creative artist that works in my office, said to me, "jen, how did you get so smart? how did you become so responsible by 25? aren't you supposed to be wild and crazy? you know so much about the world."

sure, i've been around- i've explored the universe searching for passion and creativity. i've been broken, shoved, my face knocked in the ground. and whether discovering a new country where i don't speak the language or simply trying to understand my world, i've always found the inspiration to write. the words to express the feelings that my body often could not contain. it was that very reason that i almost failed out of college my freshmen year.

i've never been complacent with complacency and i've always had creativity streaming from head to hand to paper. but the seesaw is no longer level and the logical, rational person has the creative me hanging in the air begging to come down and balance out.

i'm willing to acknowledge that alogorthmically speaking, i'm at a high point in my ability to be rational and logical and thoughtful. and i'm struggling to grow into this skin. struggling to balance.

christmas work party cliche.

2006-12-16T19:32:00.000-05:00

oh good god, my head hurts. christmas party for work last night.

i dressed up in a party dress and had deja vu of being 14 and going to a school dance and feeling so awkward all dressed up. except this time at least, i wasn't so flat chested. score.

my boss and i shared nostalgia about what teenagers do on golf courses after the sun has gone down.

i didn't become an office party cliche- no hooking up with coworkers, nobody saw my girl bits, and i avoided any activities that could get a person fired.

my head is still throbbing despite lots of advil.

its utterly inconceivable that i have to jump on an airplane on friday. all this traveling has made my life difficult to keep up with. friends, i'm not forgetting you, i'm having trouble remembering which time zone i'm in and i've become an expert at airplane traveling but not being a good friend lately.

here's my good friend/expert traveler advice: always bring your airline's 800 number with you. always, always, always.

i've been eating ramen noodles like a college kid recently.

also, illinois friends. i'll be in roscford friday, saturday, sunday, and monday of next week.

the fine art of dining alone.

2006-12-13T00:14:00.000-05:00

I've written about Christmas shopping in the past. When the story about the plot to blow up the Rockford mall broke last week, part of my heart was sad that someone could feel that harming others and causing damage to a building could prove a point.

And then I attempted Christmas shopping myself.

"A panic attack is a period of intense, often temporarily disabling sense of extreme fear or psychological distress, typically of abrupt onset. Though it is often a purely terrifying feeling to the sufferer, panic attacks are actually an evolutionary body response often known as the fight-or-flight response. Symptoms may include trembling, shortness of breath, heart palpitations, chest pain (or chest tightness), sweating, nausea, dizziness (or slight vertigo), hyperventilation, paresthesias (tingling sensations), vomiting, and sensations of choking or smothering. During a panic attack, the body typically releases large amounts of adrenaline into the bloodstream. Many first time sufferers of a panic attack believe they are dying or going insane. It is a feeling that cannot be described until one has had an attack. Many often say panic attacks are one of the most frightening experiences in their lives. People who suffer from phobias may experience panic attacks upon exposure to certain triggers."

This is what I experience at the mall at Christmas time. All my shopping has been done online this year for this very reason.

In what could be the worst non-sequiter ever....

I'm in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Everyone here is very, extremely nice. Even the homeless man asked me how I was doing (good) and if I was from around here (no). I would drown in a sea of niceness here. A stranger invited me into his company's Christmas party that was happening in one of the conference rooms of my hotel. Tonight, I was invited to a hockey game. The hockey's mascot gave me a high five. Everyone in Oklahoma is nice!

There are TWO western wear stores outside my hotel window. TWO. You're all getting belt buckles, money clips, cowboy boots, hats, and assless chaps for Christmas.

I've drank Shinerbock and eaten at the Whattaburger across the way from my hotel. A little boy asked me if I was drinking Dr. Pepper. No! But Shinerbock tastes just as good, little boy!

Jen's Guide to Eating Alone:
+Bring a book or a newspaper to read, or a journal to write in.
+Avoid places like Chuck E. Cheese and Cracker Barrel (well, avoid Cracker Barrel regardless).
+Try to get a good vantage point for people watching.
+Be aware of your location. Are you in the middle of the country? Ask yourself where that fish came from to get to your plate.

In conclusion, Oklahoma is okay!

-------------------------------------

As a kid, I remember reading a book in the waiting room of the dentist's office about this little boy, Thomas. It was about how when he was little, everyone called him Tommy. Then he grew up a little and everybody called him Tom. Then he was an adult and everyone called him Thomas. Should I let people start calling me Jennifer?

Ha. Right. Like that would ever happen.

--------------------------------------

I feel uninspired and lacking in creativity lately. (Too busy.) What inspires you? What websites or blogs do you visit that fuel your creativity, that make you feel inspired?

At some point, you forget just how tired you really are.

2006-12-09T04:34:00.000-05:00

I have been giving and listening and high-fiving and sending my positive energy out into the world in massive amounts this week. For reasons unimportant in this forum, I have several friends who could really use the listening ear, the jumping high-five, the silly faces, the heartfelt emails right now/this week. But after all of the outgoing positive energy and the large quantities of energy drinks I've consumed (the Jen taste test: Monster: okay; Rockstar: slightly less than okay; Full Throttle: pretty tasty; Tab: pink!), I am looking forward to sleeping in this weekend. I am also looking forward to: Degrassi: The Next Generation, Season 2 and making the thrift store rounds to get my (tacky) holiday party ensemble + tacky white elephant gift together for the work party next week.

Also, buy or stream the Sufjan Stevens 5 disc set, "Songs for Christmas". You'll be glad you did. It is way better than all the lame plots to blow up and set the Rockford mall on fire. If the Christmas terroristas really wanted to hit Rockford where it hurts, they'd go after the good stuff:

Oooooooooooooklahoma, where the queers come sweepin down the plain!

2006-12-06T00:10:00.000-05:00

Hey my babies, I'm going to be in Tulsa, Oklahoma next week. Do you live there? Do you know someone nice who lives there? Have you been there and know fun places to go at night time or yummy places for the girl least likely to be on a business trip to go?

I'll be there Monday through Wednesday.

Also, here is a picture of me and my dad on Thanksgiving:

For business and pleasure.

2006-12-04T00:42:00.000-05:00

Two weeks later, I'm back in Colorado. Two mini-vacations and one business trip with more fun than actual business mixed in...and well, I spent a lot of my time with family, old and awesome friends, and New York pals (in that order). Somewhere in all of it, I was caught in that snowstorm. At O'Hare Airport.

So I'm still catching up on returning to regular life in Colorado. Apparently, it snowed a week before it snowed in the midwest, but its wicked cold here.

I will try to catch up on your blogs and your busy lives, watching my Netflix, paying bills, and Christmas shopping. Oh dreaded Christmas shopping. Have I ever told you how much I hate the mall at Christmas time? Another day, another blog...

For now, let me regale you with this list of People/Places/Things that I am all about right now:

+Natasha Wescoat, artist
+Lester Bangs, author
+NPR (++All Things Considered and This American Life)
+Making new beepy-boopy ringtones for my Crackberry
+Finally finding some new pants that fit my short legs!
+New haircuts

Yummy-yum-yum

2006-11-21T12:24:00.000-05:00

For my friendlies who like to drink up on those holidays, I give you:
A recipe for disaster....wait, wrong holiday....

A Recipe for Happy Holidays

What you'll need:
sugar
water
lemons or limes (big ones)
oranges
cloves
nutmeg (optional)
cinnamon sticks
red or white wine of your choice (I recommend pinot noir)

To make:
Add 1 cup water and 1 cup sugar to pot.
Cut up 2-3 unpeeled oranges into large sections and throw into sugarwater. For extra fun, peel the oranges and put the rinds in the sugar water.
Add 1/2 cup lemon or lime juice to sugarwater.
Add cloves, nutmeg, and cinnamon sticks to sugar water.
Bring to a boil.
Let boil for 5 minutes. (liquid will reduce slightly)

In another pot:
Put 1-2 bottles of wine into pot. Keep heat on very low.
Strain the sugar-water fruit spice mixture into the wine.
Add 2-4 cinnamon sticks into the wine.

Drink up.

Note: If you make more than one batch, you can reuse the fruit and spices from the sugar water a few times, although you made want to add a little more fresh ingredients.

Oh! Bonus. After you strain the sugar-water mixture into the wine, you can eat the chunks of the orange peel. They taste like candy after boiling in that sugar water. So delicious.

Sick Day.

2006-11-20T17:13:00.000-05:00

I woke up feeling not horrible, but not awesome this morning. I went about my morning as usual, breakfast, energy drink, mug of tea...until it all went terribly wrong.

So I vommed at work, which has to be up there on the list of humiliating and humbling experiences one can have at work (see also: singing banana man birthday telegrams). They sent me home by 11am with a bottle of elderberry potion and some other really terrible tasting drops I'm apparently supposed to put forty-five (forty-five!) drops of on my tongue 2-3 times a day. They are all about the voodoo healing around here. But I've been following the instructions...the bitter tasting stuff and then the sweet sweet elderberry potion. (Its really syrup-ish in texture, but potion is so much more Harry Potter like, don't you agree?)

So I'm laying here in my spacerocket jammies watching the epic fifth season of the Simpsons, napping, sweating out this fever I've acquired, and drinking potions. Trying to get better. Because I have to get better before I fly home on Wednesday. If I'm feeling up to it, I may try to hit up a sweaty Bikram yoga class tonight and try to sweat all the toxins out in 90 intense yoga-rific minutes.

How I actually look:

How I actually feel:

What are your remedies when you're getting sick/are sick?

I will probably never say this again.

2006-11-20T01:56:00.000-05:00

I'm feeling frustrated with my Mac.

My new Blackberry's syncronizing software only works with Windows. Okay, I get that the majority of users who own Blackberries are very important business minded types who probably love their Dilbert screensaver on their Windows desktop/laptop. But I am not one of those people. So I can't really connect my Blackberry to my laptop- only my desktop at work. How agitating.

And Blackberry, I understand you were developed for the government to keep secrets and thus cannot have Blue Tooth connectivity with laptops, but that just sucks. Seriously, super lame guys. My laptop doesn't have any government secrets on it. But it does have things that are important to me and nobody else.

I've been wanting to dig into using Macromedia's Robohelp since I think it could be incredibly useful to learn with this new project I'm heading up at work. Again, only a version for Windows is currently available.

Technology, you are supposed to help me, love me, caress me, sing to me in my sleep. But this is some serious bullplop. What's with this conspiracy against Mac users? We're nice people who only want to embrace you.

Oh my god. Singing banana man telegram. I don't want a birthday ever again.

2006-11-16T14:43:00.000-05:00

Jeffrey: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
all-caps = all-good.
me: did you know about the singing fruit too?
Jeffrey: Adam just told me this morning. How was it???
me: oh my gawd. seriously. threw up in my mouth.
Jeffrey: hehehe
what did the fruit person sing?
me: some sort of banana man birthday song
and lots of cheezy jokes
Jeffrey: i'm throwing up a bit in my mouth.
me: and balloon hats and flowers.
Jeffrey: eek
me: and chorus kick lines. and then people from other offices started coming in to watch...
Jeffrey: hahaha
me: people who didn't know me but sang happy birthday
Jeffrey: what an awesome (read: horrifying) gift.
me: i feel very awkward right now.
Jeffrey: i'm sure!
me: i told everyone, "if any more singing fruit stops by, tell them i'm not here." and i've been hiding in my office ever since.
its a good thing adam's birthday is coming up, cause he's got it coming to him...
Jeffrey: no kidding. let me know if you need my help.
me: at the end of the banana man's song he had someone taking pictures and he said, "look into the camera and tell adam how much you love him"
and i waved my balloon sceptor and said, "i don't love you even a little bit right now"
Jeffrey: HAHA
me: and then i said, "i think i just threw up in my mouth"
All caught on digital camera which i'm hoping the banana man sends to adam.
Jeffrey: I'm glad I'm not you from earlier today. I don't think I would have handled that situation very well.
me: i'm not sure i handled it very well- i started running away
and i didn't participate very well in the kickline. in other news, the office dog gave me a sparkly unicorn figurine. until the banana man incident, i was playing with the unicorn at my desk all morning.
Jeffrey: So at that point, you're like JFK turning left by Dealey Plaza... everything's fine ("What a nice day!" and "Look at all these wonderful people!"), and then.....

tragedy.

me: i never knew what hit me. and the unicorn, like jackie o, was left to pick up the pieces of me off the floor.
Jeffrey: so sad.

The Upshot.

2006-11-14T01:05:00.000-05:00

Last week was nonstop!

Monday and Tuesday, yoga kicked my butt. And it felt so very good.

Wednesday, I went to see the Brazilian Girls at the Fox Theatre in Boulder. The show was so utterly bizarre and amazing. I took a thousand pictures, but I'm feeling particularly lazy. Here, maybe the mental picture is better: The beautiful svelte German lead singer wore a nude body suit with silver sequins all over it and foofy white tulle covered her face and naughty bits. She asked the entire audience to come on stage and dance naked with her. Roughly fifty college kids did so (I did not). Singer lady grabbed their boobs, passed them fatty Js between singing verses and then they played 'Pussy' and my world was completely whole at that moment. See? I told you no pictures could do that justice. Okay, I lied, here they are:

This picture doesn't really do her crazy little ensemble justice. But I wasn't venturing into the naked pit.

Naked party. Briefly, The Brazilian Girls =s great party music and a great party.

Jen's Favorite Small Venues (Less than 1,000 max. capacity):
-The Fireside Bowl, Chicago
-The Century Lounge, Providence
-The Fox Theatre, Boulder
-Creepy Crawl, St. Louis

Okay, and then Thursday night. Randomly, I went to see Bonnie Raitt in concert? I couldn't tell you the name of any of her songs, but a few sounded familiar. I mean, we didn't pay for the tickets and the seats were really great, so I figured why not go check out some bluesy music at the newest venue in town....hello, for free! Pictures were NOT ALLOWED, so...

Then Friday night, we went back for more pain... HOCKEY style. First home game of the season! Apparently, we're the worst team in the league, but hey whatever, expansion team. And we did win in a sudden death shootout.

In honor of hockey, I ask you this question: which game is superior?
Blades of Steel for NES

vs. NHL '92-93 for Sega Genesis?

Personally, I'd say Blades of Steel. But that's only because the last time I tried playing Mortal Kombat 3 on a high definition tv, my head felt like it was about to asplode. No seriously, I love you Sonic the Hedgehog, but don't eff with my mind.

Other news of interest.
I let a man put a hole in my face this weekend. In my left nostril, precisely. The lasting damage:

I can't even lie, IT HURT SO BAD. Worse than my septum. Not worse than my inner conch/industrial. My favorite part was when the nice man said, "Ohhhhhhhh! Your nose just made the loudest cracking noise I've ever heard!" And indeed, it did sound like a baseball bat, friends. My nose bled a lot and tears came down my face, but I was a brave little toaster and kept my cool. My boss remarked this morning, "You have a diamond booger on your nose!" Yes, something like that, a diamond booger. For those of you keeping score at home, that's two extra holes in my nose now. My nose is too metal for my face. Oh, snap!

Hello? Is it me you're looking for? (Lionel Richie, I <3 you.)
I finally bought a new high falootin cell phone. So start calling me. Or I'll have to start sending you obnoxious text messages. And hey, if you need a reason- call me on Thursday, I'm a quarter century old (and sassier).

Jen's Tour de Farce 2006
Because a few people have asked me, here is my travel schedule for the next couple of weeks/months.
November 22 - 27, Rockford, ILL
November 27 - 30, Peoria, ILL
November 30, Rockford, ILL
December 1 - 3, New York (The City!)
December 22 - 26, Rockford, ILL
January 18ish - 23ish, New York (The City!)
January 29ish - February 2ish, Houston, TEJAS

So that's what I know for now. I will keep you posted of any new developments, dearies. If you live near any of those places and I have not yet made tenative plans with you, you jerkface, call me and let's talk about how great beer is and then let's make plans to drink some.

Its my birthday on Thursday, don't ruin our friendship by not writing Happy Birthday across your chest and sending me a picture of it. Thank you, that is all. I promise, I won't post your picture on the Internets.

w-e-e-k-e-n-d

2006-11-06T23:10:00.000-05:00

Weekend in New York.

I love how my life comes together when I'm there. Friends from different eras of my life, enjoying each other's companies. How could you not in a place intensely exploding with life?

I took advantage of Tower Records' going out of business super discount on CDs. The newer releases were picked over, so I decided on a few solid CDs that were...not new releases. I bought:

Smoosh - She Like Electric. This album is quite different from the girls' other album, "Free to Stay". They even do a little rapping! But I really like this. Its amazing how much younger they both sound- voices and instrumentation.

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea. At some point I owned this CD, I'm not really sure where it disappeared to, but I really really really really love this album and it ellicits memories of years 19 - 20 of my life with stunning clarity.

Camera Obscura - Underachievers Please Try Harder. Camera Obscura reminds me of this girl I used to talk to at my favorite record store in Madrid. She looked like a cuter version of the singer from Camera Obscura. Which is probably why I bought this, but the music is pretty good too.

And here I sit, all scrunched up in some infamous space pyjammies, sans mustache.

Also, my hair is curly today! I usually keep my hair super straight; I guess I forgot how easy it is to let it just be....sassy. But not so much curly as... curly =s spiraly-wavy. Someone told me when my hair is like this, its my "sex hair." "Oh, like its real sexy?" I asked. "No, like you just had sex." Huh.

I promise a better update next time...no, seriously, I mean it this time.

Don't forget to flush.

2006-11-01T18:42:00.000-05:00

I didn't realize that cats could go poo in toliets.

What I truly appreciate about this product is that so many cat owners are SO enthusiastic about this cat potty seat, is that they have sent in their own customer images.

Who does that? Who takes a picture of their cat on the crapper? A little privacy please?

And you know what's sick? I want to buy one and train my cat to use it.

Good things are coming...

2006-10-30T23:23:00.000-05:00

Today I got a promotion. I knew it was in the works and its not a huge surprise, but seriously you guys! I have my own office now with a view of snow capped mountains and such. One of the first things I saw from my new office view was a man from animal control lugging a dead deer into the back of his truck. I know I'm from the midwest where deer prance about freely, but it was really vomit inducing. My new job involves less talking on the phone and more writing words down and putting them together for a manual- score!

I am going to Japan! My friend, Mark, lives there and I wil be visiting him next June. I can't really even tell you how excited this makes me. Mark and I have been friends since high school and we always have a great time together, no matter where we are, so needless to say, I am super stoked to spend time with him in Japan.

Also: this is a true anti-drug PSA. Click on this sentence to listen. Because smoking weed will make you listen to indie rock music......what?

This weekend I'm flying to New York. Happiness! I can't wait to see my NY friends and lovahs again.

My birthday is in a few weeks. Do you want to give me the greatest birthday present ever? Draw me a picture of an octopus. Or a ukelele or if you're really in a pinch I'll accept your brother's Nintendo DS Lite. I will be a quarter century young, but I'm hoping this marks the end of my quarter-life crises that have defined the past five years of my life.

Last weekend, I dressed up as a candy striper for a costume party. Today, I dressed like a cowgirl for work. Tomorrow, I am going to be the aforementioned Freudian slip at work. Yay, dressing up is fun.

Candy striper.

I've written all the hooray for everything! stuff, so this is where I leave you, my lovelies...

Seven items in random order.

2006-10-23T23:28:00.000-04:00

1. I have two free season tickets to the newly formed hockey team, The Rocky Mountain Rage, so if you, you, you, or anyone else who likes hockey, come to Colorado in the next 6 months, not only will I give you a comfy bed to sleep in, we'll also hit up some hockey games. Seriously. There is no better sport than one with blood and violence....I mean, toe pick.

2. I have been attending a dance class where the teacher is all about "free flowing movement" and "move with your spirit" and between you and me Internet, I don't care about that new age feel good mumbo jumbo, I just want to dance and get funky. And its a whole barrel of fun.

3. I saw The Prestige and it ruled. On a scale of WWF wrestlers from the 1980s, I would rate it an Ultimate Warrior. Go see it and decide for yourself. More embarassingly, in junior high, I had the hugest crush on Christian Bale when he played Laurie in Little Women with Wynona Rider and Claire Danes. HUGE CRUSH. I watched that movie...an embarassing number of times (one thousand million hundred, to be exact). And even in all these creepy roles he's played...American Psycho, The Machinist...I still would include him on my Celebrity Exemption List.

4. I went to a costume party last weekend...I made a sign that said MOMMY, smoked a big cigar, and wore a black silk number and I was a FREUDIAN SLIP. One guy was like, "Oh! You're Monica Lewinski!" And I was like, "Uhhh...no. That wouldn't have been funny 8 years ago and its really not funny now." FREUDIAN SLIP. Oh man, so nerdy. Pictures forthcoming.

5. Did you ever know that you're my hero? You're everything I would like to be... Shout out to my pal JayCray for being fearless and rocking his auditions this weekend.

6. My birthday is in less than one month. I will accept all gifts that have octopusses (octopii?), music, or both incorporated into them.

7. Hey, aren't wax museums creepy? Just a little bit?

I'll be the sky, if you'll be the star.

2006-10-09T18:48:00.000-04:00

I revel in the the autumn. Adding layers on top of layers and wearing tights under skirts and looking from the tops of hills and seeing an ocean of redorangeyellow world on fire in the leaves.

And so my heart is sore that such seasons do not exist here. Saturday was sunny and a sweaty 80 degrees and today it is 40 and rainy. My coworkers are giddy at the prospect of snow. I find myself baffled by this, where is the autumn?

Then again, I should revel in this lack of autumnal loneliness, which seems to be a seasonal effect on me. I always find solace and solitude in the fall. A somber tone with a soundtrack on my iPod to match.

And the melancholy is still there, but it doesn't have a home in the autumn this year. Just misplaced quietness searching for a place to be, to exist.

There are days I feel so incredibly lucky and there are those days when I wish that I had stayed the course and moved to New York.

I can't wait to begin traveling; the world flies by when you're experiencing every little bit.

2006-10-08T03:18:00.000-04:00

I'm always in the wrong time zone.